Comedy of errors

My brother came over tonight. Being the good sister I am, I offered to drive him home when he needed to leave. We left my apartment at 10:15pm. I got back home 2 hours later.

2 HOURS.

Here's how it went down...

We hop into the car with the dog at 10:15. Al gets Rocco settled, turns on the defrost and turns on the seat heaters, while I brush all the snow off the Jetta. The 3 of us have a leisurely ride to Wrigleyville and I drop him off without incident.

On my way home, Rocco jumps into the front seat as he always does. And sits down like a person as he always does. And triggers the PUT YOUR SEATBELT ON NOW beeping... as he always does. We ride back to the west side with that damn alert going off every 30 seconds.

We get home and I pull into my parking space. I grab my purse, toss Rocco's leash back on and get out of the car. My clumsy little bull tries to get out of the car, somehow gets his foot caught and yelps excessively.

I dropped to the ground to console him. After a few minutes, he's fine and I take him around the side of the apt to do his business before we go to bed -- which he does. As we're walking back to my place, I fish around in my purse for my keys.

No keys.

I fish around some more.

Where the shit are my keys??

I walk back to the car and start digging through the seats. No keys. I put the dog back in the car so I don't have to worry about him while I'm searching. Still no keys. Maybe I dropped them when I took him to poo, I think.

I get out of the car (Rocco still in) and walk over to his spot. Of course, no keys there either. So I walk back to the car and go to open the driver's side door.

It is locked.

It is locked with my dog in the car.

My stomach churns. I look at Rocco. He looks at me. I try the door again. Locked. Oh good god. Now is the time when I regret getting a keyless, auto-lock vehicle.

I go around to the passenger side door and by some miracle, it is not locked. I have no idea how, nor do I care. I get in the car, call my brother and tell him I'm driving all the way back to Wrigleyville to get his set of keys to my place.

And so we set off again.

During the drive, Rocco once again sits in the passenger seat and triggers the seatbelt alert for the next 20 minutes. Another fun thing is that I turned right onto a street while the light was yellow and alllllll sorts of flashes went off. So, I'm probably getting a $100 ticket too.

At this point, it's about midnight and the dog and I are both exhausted. (Him more than me because I'd slipped him a Benadryl in his dinner earlier.) I grab my keys from Al, drive back home and manage to avoid any more issues.

Let's recap my night:
Drive Al home.
Get back, freak out like the dog broke his leg.
Realize I lost my apt keys.
Almost lock the dog in the car.
Get caught by an intersection camera.
All within a 2 hour period.

And now I must go to bed. Roc passed out the second we got home while I relayed these events to Dave over Skype. Tomorrow, I bet I find those damn keys in the bottom of my purse.

Miss Independent

Me:

ALEX

Alex:

ya whatup

Me:

I parallel parked

Alex:

WHOA

WHOA

WHOA

WHOA

Me:

I KNOW

All by myself

1 try

Alex:

HOW MANY THINGS DID YOU HIT

Me:

NONE

Alex:

WHO DID YOU KILL

Me:

NO ONE

Alex:

I AM CHECKING CHICAGOBREAKINGNEWS.COM RIGHT NOW

Me:

I hate you

Sweet skills:

Okay, so it was a massive space. Baby steps.

Stupid China

Dave's gone. It's sad. Been taking care of myself. Kitchen has yet to catch fire.

That's basically the gist of it. I mean, it's only been a few days... But it's going well, I guess.

Anyway, with this time difference, Dave and I been relying on short Skype convos and emails to communicate. He is 14 hours ahead of us here, so when it's lunchtime in Beijing, it's bedtime in Chicago. (Also, I'm old and go to bed around 10.)

But tonight? Tonight I'm staying up until 11 so he can Skype me during his lunch. This is what he will see:


HAWT. Who doesn't like seeing their wife with makeup smudges, flat hair and a double chin?

Also, the pup and I are both a little doped up (him on Benadryl, me on Sleep II), so having a conversation in 90 minutes should be extra fun.

Zai jian, friends.