Friday, May 30, 2008

Where was this wedding card when I needed it?

Buy it. (Just not for me, kay?) And let me know if you do actually buy it, because that means you're one ballsy, angry wedding guest and we should hang out more.

Thank you for not overcharging me!

With all this wedding stuff we've been dealing with lately (what's wrong with me? I make it sound like it's a terminal illness or something), I just wanted to share a bright spot in the matrimonial planning.

I found a talented, wonderful hair stylist who is NOT going to charge ridiculous amounts of money!

Okay, so technically, I did not find him. J did. Half of this wedding stuff -- the dress color, the makeup artist and now the hair guy -- would never have come together had it not been for her. If you're engaged, go make friends with someone who works in beauty PR. Now.

Anyway, the first stylist I called charged this:

  • Updos: $220 (this includes putting a clip in the hair to pull hair back. "Up" means UP)
  • Bride's trial run(s): $50 each
  • Blow dry: $160
  • Straightening: additional $15
What. The. Shit.

This other stylist and I actually had a conversation about how out of control some prices are when it comes to weddings. Forget that! I'm calling him back tonight to book him after I clear all this with the mama.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

In no way will you regret this

Punk Rock Mom: Honey, put down the hair spray. I think we should totally take the kids to Kidapalooza this year.
Emo Dad: Let me just finish this. I've *almost* got it the way I want it.

Punk Rock Mom: I'm serious. This thing looks so bad-ass! The kids can get tattoos, learn breakdancing, take guitar lessons, get mohawks. They'll look like they're from Wicker Park, it'll be awesome.

Emo Dad: What about the noise level? Will this thing be loud enough to hear through my helmet-hair, black hoodie and pained thoughts?

Punk Rock Mom: Bet yer ass it will be. There's gonna be a jam tent with a full rock band setup where they let all the kids the scream into mics and play all the instruments frantically and randomly until our ears bleed. Not to mention the separate drum area, the hip-hop workshop with mad beatz and real guitars! LOUD NOISES.

Emo Dad: Sweet. But will they get hair-dos like mine?

Punk Rock Mom: Green mohawks, mostly. But since there WILL be a salon tent, I'm sure the kids could request the classic "so-black-it's-blue, side-swept helmet 'do." Omg, that's totally my next song lyric.

Emo Dad: This sounds so scene.

Punk Rock Mom: No doubt. And just in case this doesn't come back to haunt us later in life, there's also a photo shoot area so we can keep these precious memories forever.

Emo Dad: Nice, I'm really buying to this.

Punk Rock Mom: You always do, sweetheart. You always do.

Deliberate Brutal Love Master, No More

The last time I took a personality test, it classified me as a Deliberate Brutal Love Master. My stark opposite in this test was the Random Gentle Sex Dreamer, which, frankly just sounds like a slutty, unfocused hippie. Not that DBLM is much better...

I mean, look at the freaking picture that goes with it:

And some of the commentary...

Sharp. Hardened. Dominating ... Like the drunken housewife chucking Heinekens at her no-good husband, you've got a lot of energy ... It's how you handle yourself in your relationships that gets you the 'brutal' tag. Controlling? Imperious? Overbearing? Yes, please. ... When the time comes you'll make a fine divorcee.

Ouch. So, I'm a battleaxe, apparently. I even took that test 4 TIMES. Got "battleaxe" every time, even when I lied and tried to trick it into calling me something nicer.

So when Ang posted another personality quiz, I saw a chance to redeem myself.

The results?

I am a "Dynamic Architect."

That is MUCH better. Details below, if you care.

The Architect in me...
Your preference for concrete, visually pleasing things, combined with your confidence and your respect for order make you an ARCHITECT.
  • You are logical and detail-oriented, which allows you to get things done efficiently.
  • You are quite sure of yourself, so that you tend to know the best ways of doing things.
  • Having a routine and sticking to it is important to you; you find comfort in tradition and familiarity.
  • Self-reliance is something in which you take great pride—you are confident and down to earth.
  • You have a basic faith in yourself in many areas of your life, allowing you to be self-assured when facing challenges.
  • Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts
  • You are balanced in your approach to problem-solving, not letting your emotions hold you up.
  • You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.
  • Your eye for aesthetic beauty and style indicates that you know a lot about design.
  • You are a fashion maven, up on trends, but distinct in your own style.
  • You don't follow trends, you set them.
Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

The dynamic aspect...

  • As someone who is DYNAMIC, you do not have a hard time meeting new people, and you have a bunch of close friends.
  • You are not overly concerned with what others may think about you, which leaves you free to be thoroughly involved in the world around you.
  • There are those who find being around people exhausting—but not you! Interacting with others, whether at a party or in conversation, gives you energy.
  • You have a strong sense of what the world is like and how it should be.
  • You have enormous respect for those who have earned their success, and have little patience for those who try to bend the rules or ride on the coattails of others' hard work.
  • Believing in the importance of integrity and hard work doesn't stop you from believing that people will do the right thing—you know that people are good at heart.
  • You sometimes have trouble understanding why others feel the way they do, but it doesn't stop you from having faith and trust in those around you.
  • Part of what makes engaging with people so interesting for you is that you occasionally learn something new about yourself or about a problem you're having when discussing things with others.
  • Your strong worldview leads you to believe that people shouldn't rely on their emotions so much when making decisions.

I'll take it!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

WTF Wednesday

Forget sneaking those ultrasound pictures into your man's birthday card. Thong announcements say it all...

I come across some weird shit at work.

I'm still the same jackass I was six months ago

A flashback from a post I wrote a while ago about moving from the Loop to River North


Bums Vs. Tourists
Living in the heart of the Loop has its benefits: easy access to every single train line, easy access to cabs, traveling in the opposite direction of rush hour every day... OK, it looks like that's it. Overall, living downtown kinda sucks. The whole place shuts down at 6pm, those super close trains are super loud, rent is ridiculously high while amenities are low, the Walgreens pharmacy isn't open on Sundays and (my favorite) the bums are numerous.

I've stepped over sleeping (dead?) bums when I've gotten off the train, I've been followed up State Street by relentless lunatics, I've been harassed for change outside my building, I've watched bums steal Bud Light from the 7-11, I've been yelled at by schizophrenics... the list goes on.

And THAT is one main reason why we're moving. That, plus we can get more for our money a mile or two away in River North. And while this new neighborhood of ours in River North doesn't have nearly as many bums, it does have something else.


I would hate to run into someone like me if I were a tourist. I'm impatient, snotty and quick to judge. I roll my eyes when they don't know when to cross the street; I scowl when they get on the train and linger in front of the doors; I cringe at their fanny packs and oversize t-shirts; I sigh when they don't know how to use their CTA cards on the bus; I marvel at their lack of fashion sense.

So I've been asking myself, what's worse? Tourists or bums? Would I rather get asked for money or asked for directions? I can't give out either, so maybe that doesn't matter.

I know I'll miss the convenience of the Loop and the fact that tourists rarely venture into my part of it. But in the end, I wouldn't worry about a tourist stumbling in my path, stinking of booze, grabbing my purse and galumphing away while slurring obscenities at the parked cars.

So I'm going to try to be more tolerant of tourists. That, or I'll just make sure I have a good wine buzz 24/7. I'm a lot nicer when I'm drunk.

Ta Da

This is probably, oh, the third or fourth blog I've started in my relatively short lifetime. In general, I'm much more comfortable guest blogging for friends because I get to write to my heart's content without the pressure of consistent posting and WITH some pre-post editing to make me sound much more clever than I did on the first attempt.

But it's time to jump back on the blogger bandwagon and give a few of you something (fun? funny? interesting? boring? unedited!) to read while you're sitting around at work.

I'll try not to let this blog slowly putter into oblivion, mostly because the fabulous Angie took time out of her busy day learning Flash to design that cute little header. Let the fun begin. ;-)

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