Life Lessons 3

Shopping

• When you're buying something online, put it in your shopping cart and leave it there for a few days. As long as you've signed up for an account, there's a good chance the company will send you a discount so you come back and complete the purchase -- like, 25%.

Fall nails!

• Buy deep purple polish. It's awesome.

Sewing

• Do NOT cut corners when it comes to the pre-sewing process. For serious. I used to think I could blow through the measuring and cutting, and just really focus on the sewing part. No. Wrong. When you do that, you end up with drapes that look like trapezoids rather than rectangles.
• Always have extra sewing-machine needles lying around for when you drunk-sew and break your supply.
  

Taxi love

• Download Taxi Magic on your phone. It lets you book cabs, track them and charge them on your credit card. Plus it's free. (It does not, however, erase the stuffy cab pee smell.)

Salsa verde

• Don't be scared of tomatillos. This. Salsa. Is. Badass. Also, don't skip the jalapeno. I don't even like spicy stuff, but it really misses the flavor when you leave it out.

Deposits

• Always, always, always keep a pen in your purse. I've walked by the ATM several times already and couldn't deposit checks from this summer because my pen keeps disappearing/was never there to begin with.

Accepting defeat

• I used to whine about Comcast a while back, but ever since moving and getting AT&T, I've realized something very important: They both suck. In my case, AT&T sucks worse. Since switching to Comcast last week, our download speed is 4x faster and upload speed is 15x faster -- no joke. I'm sure AT&T will disappoint me eventually, so it's best to accept it and be happy that you've chosen one that just sucks less... for now.

Painting

• If you're going to paint a light wall a darker color, you have to prime it with gray first. Or buy that Behr premium-ultra-best-paint-ever stuff. Oh, and if you're going to paint something maroon/dark red, don't freak out when the paint guy gives you a mix that looks magenta. It will darken. Supposedly.

All-around well-being

• For the love of christ, stop watching Jersey Shore.

Life Lessons 2

Babies

• If you for some reason find yourself with pregnancy tests on your hands, do NOT throw away the box that explains the results. Otherwise, a search of the web will have you convinced it's negative... no, wait... positive... no... negative? WTF SOMEONE TELL ME IF I'M KNOCKED UP OR NOT.

Exercise

• If you're gonna buy an exercise bike, get a recumbent one. It's easier on your back and, besides, who doesn't like lounging while burning fat?

Neighborhoods

• If you live in West Town, as I do, teach yourself the difference between fireworks, cars backfiring and gunshots.

Driving

• When you rent a car for a long drive, make sure it has cruise control on it before you take it off the lot. Fun fact: my rented 2009 Toyota Corolla did not.

• When driving with your dog in the car, remove ALL items he can eat before pulling out of the driveway. Otherwise, you'll spend the better part of your trip clapping, shouting and making awkward, loud noises to get him to stop chewing said things.

Family

• If your mom is on Twitter, teach her that some companies try to solve your problems in 140 characters. Otherwise, she may or may not accuse a customer service rep of trying to scam her.

Shopping

• Get a Costco membership. The liquor prices alone are worth it.

• When you order something from an online vendor, go through their feedback and see how they respond to unhappy customers. If they say things like "YOU'RE LYING," and "You're just plain impossible!" and have curt, defensive responses with lots of !!!, then you know their customer service is shit. Avoid.

Travel

• When you book a flight the first time after you get a dog, make sure the times coordinate well with the boarding facility's pick-up and drop-off times.