Friday, May 28, 2010

Kids are so stupid. Or maybe it was just me.

You know how sometimes you just want kids to go away so you can have an adult conversation without worrying about saying anything bad?

Well, apparently, it's not very effective to say, "GET AWAY FROM ME, CHILD." It requires more creativity.

For my own parents, they used to tell me that it was time for "grown-up talk."

And can I tell you something?

I seriously thought they were speaking in a different language.

I KNOW, how idiotic. But when they used words like government, stock market, Reagan, Rain Man, mullet and assholes, I had no idea what they were saying. The only logical conclusion was that this mysterious grown-up talk was a new foreign language that I wouldn't learn until I was older.

I remember hiding out in the bathroom near our living room once, just hovering by the door trying to see if I could make out any of the words my parents were saying. Maybe I could teach myself some of this new language before I was a grown-up. I got caught and was sent back to my room to play with my brother and sister. (I think that's when I started grasping the concept of GOD DAMMIT.)

Anyway, I tell you this because it's important for you to know that little kids are stupid and will believe anything you tell them. So take advantage of this now, for as long as you can. Go forth and be a grown-up.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Oh, you think so?

Dave's birthday is coming up on May 27, and this is what I just found on our shared Goog calendar.

WTF. So, just in case you're wondering how 5/27/2010 will play out:

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Daytime TV

I've written about the travesty that is daytime TV before. But when you're working your butt off and just want something on in the background, it's actually better that you're not totally into the crappy shows. At least, this is what I've discovered while working here, where we have TVs at our desks.

So, depending on what's doing on, here's what I may watch at any given point in the day:

Watch O or taping.

The View, even though I can't stand that Hasselback.

Wendy Willlllllliams. How you derrring?

Deal or No Deal. Should be called Dealer or No Dealer because, seriously, most of those people are on DRUGS.

Afternoon taping or Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. I'm convinced that this will serve me well next time I do trivia.

You ARE NOT the father.

Ellen, because she's darling.

Extra, because I'm lame.

Friends, back to back.

The Office, back when it was good.

Seinfeld, while I wrap up my day.

Lately, however, I've actually gravitated towards my dear Hulu and started getting into some new shows. The latest series I'm into? Fringe. I've been watching Season 1 the last few weeks, mostly because I have a crush on Mark Valley for no real reason. Let's take a moment:

Look at that smirk! Did you know he's married to his co-star on Fringe, the blonde chick? Yet another travesty.

Moving on.

Anyway. Fringe. It's weird and creepy, but still a step above Maury, even with it's gruesome monsters and reality-suspending plots. Actually, maybe it's just like Maury...

Or, maybe it's time for me to get back to work. After all, Wendy Williams is almost on.

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