Gives "spooky" a whole new meaning

What started out like this...

...was planned like this...

...and then turned into this...

I call him: "The Diabolical Redneck." Who needs all their teeth anyway?

Happy Halloween, y'all.

The finished products:

Housewifery

Today, Jessi had the day off and she wanted a real "real housewives" day. As someone who watches the trainwreck that is the Bravo reality series, this is my specialty.

But, our adventures were decidedly less dramatic...


THE PLAN VERSUS THE REALITY

Wake up late.	Woke up late.
Greet each other with European air kisses.	Said, "What up."
Be drunk by noon.	Left my apartment after noon.
Get chauffered around in a limo.	Drove us in my Jetta.
Run errands.	Ran errands.
Parade around with my baby while holding a glass of wine.	Paraded around Whole Foods with a glass of wine.

Get in a fight with each other.	Enjoyed each other's company.
Throw a drink in someone's face.	Spilled some wine in the kitchen.
Eat lunch outside and glare at people.	At lunch outside and smiled at Honeycat.

Get Botox.	Talked about Botox.
Spend thousands of dollars on frivolous things.	Spend tens of dollars on necessary things like food and booze.
Run into someone I hate.	Ran into a nice man who educated Jessi on the finer points of canned fish.

I'll take my reality over theirs any day.

This is not normal

This happened yesterday over IM. (My thoughts in italics.)


Suz: what's your first name?

Wha...? She knows my first name. Suz is being weird. Unless she's being funny... OR unless it's not Suz and it's a hacker trying to get me to send money to freakin' London or Brussels or something! I have heard about this scam on the Interwebs! Okay. Okay. Be cool. Do NOT provide information. Even though your IM is actually your complete first and last name. Maybe this hacker is special-needs and does not realize that.

Me: Um, I feel like it's a little early for you to be drinking...

Suz: no seriously is your name barbie?

Omg, this is totally a retarded hacker who thinks my name is Barbie and wants me to send money and I'm NOT doing it. Should I text Suz and tell her someone hacked her IM? No, just wait. See how this plays out.

Me: Sure.

Suz: go look at barbie's latest fb update

Oops. This is totally Suz. Well, good thing I never OVERREACT.

Barbie: There's no such thing as too many shoes! Enjoy 25% off any Christian Louboutin doll...

Me: Omg, I love her.

Suz: lol


Sigh. Do you know anyone more neurotic than me?