Sunday, November 30, 2008

Peace out, Cleveland

Aaaand Thanksgiving is over. Family time is over. Sleeping in is over. Stuffing our faces with food is over. Drinking heavily is over. Playing with puppies is over.


NaBloPoMo is over.

I'm a little surprised I managed to post every day this month, but I definitely want to say a sincere soooowwwrrrryyy for throwing crap up there just to fill a post. I know that the real challenge of NaBloPoMo is to post thought-provoking, evocative material, but I don't really do that anyway, do I? God, I love that you're easily entertained.

So, in keeping with my tradition of posting fluff, here are a few fun pictures from our trip.

The babies!

Oh, and, uh, real babies.

Dave's dad teaching me how to take a picture so it's not blurry.

Not blurry!

Blurry. Dammit. I suck.

This is why I could never host my own Thanksgiving. I am devoid of cute creations.

The culprit who peed on me. And them promptly drew on his own face.

Early birthday celebration.

I think Dave is going to get more into photography.

That's a huuuuugggee beer.

Bundled much?

Kids watching the parade.

Truth be told, the parade was really lame.

The fireworks were less lame.

Here's what I look like in my sister-in-law's glasses.

And this is what I look like in Angie's glasses.

So I guess your big takeaway from this is that kids are cute, dogs are cuter and I should get some cute, new glasses.

Profound enough for a Sunday?

Saturday, November 29, 2008


So far, in Cleveland...

I've seen 3 deer in Dave's backyard.

I've seen a hawk chilling on Dave's deck.

I've gorged myself on food (and gotten heartburn).

I've gotten peed on by a 2-year-old.

I've watched a few movies, including Tropic Thunder and Trans-Siberian.

I've gotten drunk at an underage bar where there were so, so many drunken whores.

I've celebrated my birthday, a month early.

I've learned far too much about my brother-in-law's marital problems.

I've taken TONS of pictures... but left my camera at Dave's sister's house so I can't upload any.

And now, tonight, we're going downtown to see the lights. Afterwards, we're meeting up with Angie and Alexa for some partying, Cleveland-style!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Just call me Susan Smith

A family member of Dave's is having some marital troubles... married 10 years, 2 young kids, adults who have drifted so far apart.

It happens. HOW is happens is an interesting debate, one that Dave and his sister recently analyzed.

Sister: I really think that [husband] married [wife] because he saw what she would become.

Dave: Meaning?

Sister: He wasn't sure if he wanted to marry her, but he knew she's be a good mother. So he went through with it.

Dave: Ah. I did the opposite. I married the woman who will make me happy for the rest of my life, but she might, you know, drown the kids in a bathtub.

Love you too, dear.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

And now, I bring you images of Dave making pumpkin pie from scratch.

(Totally forgot to get pictures of him with the pumpkin roasting, which is probably the best part. FAIL.)

Enjoy your food-filled holiday!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

You've got to stop this

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Things I remember from my childhood

I grew up in Connecticut in a tiny house that was 980 square feet upstairs along with five people and one shower. Add to the mix three crazy kids, two parakeets, a busy dad and a weird, hippy mother, and, well, things get interesting. Here are a few random things I remember about growing up...

Only being allowed to wear shorts if it was 70 degrees outside.
Because my siblings and I were maniacs who wanted to wear shorts in the winter, my parents came up with a rule that we could only wear shorts if it was 70 degrees outside. Once spring arrived, I would run to my dresser, pull out my shorts, thrust them at my mother and demand that she tell me the temperature outside. "Um, 65 degrees," she'd lie. I would be devastated.

Praying for snow days.
It snowed a lot in CT, but that rarely meant we'd have a snow day. Whenever we'd wake up to a blanket of snow on the ground, we'd run into the kitchen, turn on the radio and listen for our school to be called during cancellation announcements. It was a tense, tense moment. Once, when it was obviously a snow day, I bypassed the radio, ran into my mom's room while she slept and yelled, "MOM, IS IT A SNOW DAY?" She responded (mumbling), "Does a bear poop in the woods?" I was silent. I think it does, but what do I know? I'm only 7 and I don't know any bears or live near any woods. What if they don't? Should I run and get my shorts on, just to be safe? Seeing my hesitation, my mom said, "Yes, honey, it's canceled." WOO HOO!

Letting our parakeets fly around the house.
We had two parakeets when we grew up and on the weekends, we would occasionally let them fly around the living room for 15 minutes for exercise. It was the most terrifying thing ever. I would hide under the coffee table because I didn't want those little fuckers landing on me.

Watching football every Sunday while eating nachos.
Every Sunday, my mom would make nachos and we'd all go downstairs into our finished basement to watch football in front of the fireplace. I had no idea what was going on, nor did I care. There were nachos to be eaten and that's all that mattered to me. (This is still my attitude towards football today. Sorry, Dad.)

Our "gym room."
On the other side of our basement was an area we called "the gym room." Because I was in gymnastics and had way too much energy, my parents put 3 old mattresses up in the basement corner -- two standing on their sides as cushions against the wall and one lying flat on the ground. They hung a knotted rope and a swinging bar-thing, and I would go down there, tie those two items together so they were out of my way and flip all over the place like a spaz. On a related note, my sister once climbed to the top of the rope and could not figure out how to get down. I laughed hysterically instead of getting her help, but eventually had to call my mom to come carry her down before the kid had a heart attack.

Getting lectured by my dad. Constantly.
This may surprise you, but I was a total shit growing up. I was really mouthy and obnoxious, so I was always getting in trouble and being told to go to my room. What I hated most about that was I knew that my dad would eventually come into my room and lecture me on the exact same topic, every single time. "Elle, you have to think before you speak." Think-before-you-speak speech was burned into my head from a young age. Sometimes I still forget to do that...

Riding in the "back back" of my mom's car.
My mom had a powder blue Mercury Sable station wagon whose trunk converted into extra seating -- seating that faced the opposite direction in which the car traveled. That's right. We were those freaky kids who would sometimes sit in the "back back" and stare at the drivers behind us as they uncomfortably looked everywhere but directly at us.

Ahh, family memories.

I'm not going home for Thanksgiving this year (heading to Cleveland -- and hanging out with Ang and Alexa while there), but that doesn't mean I won't be thinking about the fam. Now that my siblings and I no longer want to murder each other, it's actually fun being home... Miss you guys, and I'll see you around Christmas! (And my birthday... *cough* *cough*)

Monday, November 24, 2008

Twilight review

Ang, Suz, Jess, Mel and I went to see Twilight this weekend.

You guys, seriously, don't waste your time.

It was terrible and hilarious all at once! "Best comedy of the year," Jess declared. Our obnoxious laughter filled the theater at the most inappropriate moments -- but we weren't the only ones, at least. (Right?)

I mean, it was a teen vampire movie. What did we expect?

I guess I expected it to be at least half as awesome as the book. (A-mazing!) Instead, here's what we got...


--Movie opens with Bella taking a mini cactus with her from Phoenix to Forks. We're very focued on the cactus for some reason. Huh? I'm thinking the symbolism in this movie isn't going to be very subtle. Nor will these frivolous details add any value to a scene now or later.

--Charlie is funny as shit. Bonus points to the casting director who got this guy, seriously.

--Ahhh, Jacob is NOT cute! Boooo.

--When Bella pulls up to the high school in that busted-ass truck on her first day, everyone stares at her and some kid goes, "Nice ride." Everyone laughed, people nudged him in gestures of approval and some chick goes, "Good one!" WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

--The friend introductions were terrible. They might as well have just said, "Hi, I'm Main Character Number 3."

--Mike Newton is an exaggerated goofball who is a major, major spaz. He's like a crazed puppy dog without any of the charm. He also is too cool to sit in the seats in the cafeteria and instead sits on the table while using the seat as a footrest. What a rebel.

--Emmett Cullen also has a real problem sitting down... in a moving vehicle. Instead, he chooses to stand up in the middle of the Cullen family jeep as they tear into the parking lot. And in case we had any doubt about how cool he is, he wears his hat sideways, a la Fresh Prince, just to hit that point home. You're full of snark, teen angst and bad-assery -- we got it.

--Victoria is a ginge with big hair.

--Dr. Cullen looks like he dunked his face into a vat of flour right before his scenes. Again, with the subtlety...


--Edward Cullen still looks like a cross between CT from the Real World and Pete Doherty from the crackhead hall of fame. He always, always looks like he's constipated or like thinking hurts his head. Every time he comes on screen, I wince.

--At the beach at La Push, just as Bella begins her walk with Jacob, Jessica comes squealing past them, being chased by goofball Mike with what looks like a rope. A rope? Okay, a rope with seaweed on the end, I guess. I don't think I was supposed to be analyzing the object. I think I was supposed to be saying, "Oh, look at how totally carefree and fun these Forks kids are. Laughter abounds at the beach! Yay! And what a contrast to that pale, vampire-loving Bella. She's so deep! She's way too smart and pensive to be bothered by other kids' silliness! What depth they've written into this character!"

--Once Edward and Bella "go public" with their relationship, he gets out of his car wearing old-man Ray Bans. The kind that makes you wonder if someone is blind. He has an exaggerated swagger, throws his arm around Bella and smirks at everyone staring at him. Oh, god, we could not stop laughing.

--SEPIA WOLVES. The hilarious flashback whose only color included red blood. Da, da, dummmmm.

--Edwards takes Bella into the woods where they're both melodramatic for no reason. I felt like Evanescence should be playing the whole time.

--In the field, Edward and Bella lay silently next to each other (sans chemistry) while the camera swirls around above them. This continues for, like, five minutes. I do not understand.

--The Cullen house looks exactly like the house in Ferris Bueller where the car flies through the glass window into the woods. I don't know why, but that made me very excited.

--To enter the kitchen from outside, Alice and Jasper jump off a tree instead of, you know, walking in. Uhhhh, okay.

--While in his room, Edward grabs Bella, throws her on his back and they jump outside and climb up a really tall tree. It came out of nowhere and was really awkward. They get to the top of the tree and just sit up there... until Bella starts climbing around. Girl can't stand on two feet without falling, but now she's an expert tree climber?


--During the baseball game, Bella is umpire when Rosalie makes her way around the bases. Rosalie barrels home, but Bella calls her out. Rosalie stands slowly and dramatically, and stares Bella down with a ridiculous stink eye.

--When the other vampires show up, James stands there with his head permanently cocked to the side, his eyes switching between squinty and wide-eyed. Is he special ed?

--Rosalie doesn't want to help Bella. While everyone runs around the garage getting shit together, she plops herself on a counter and says, "What's she to ME?" Such acid in that voice! So over the top! Carlisle snaps, "She's family now." Oh, hai, we just met but now I'm your family, pls risk your life for me.

--Rosalie decides to help and her job is to wear Bella's coat to distract James from the trail. While running through the forest, she's told to mark a tree. She runs up to it, thrusts her back at it and starts rubbing against it like a rabid bear having a seizure.

--Once James catches Bella through his trickery, he grabs her by the throat and says, "Sorry," only it was very sing-songy, more like, "Sooooowwww-rrrryyyyy." And then he tries to eat her.

--The very last scene is Victoria and her big, ginge head watching Bella at the prom. Victoria does a dramatic hair flip and the screen goes to black-and-white. END SCENE. We all end in fits of laughter.

So, basically, I felt like I was watching a middle school play. These actors were SO bad, the subtlety SO nonexistent, the drama SO over the top.

I'm really not doing justice to the pure comedy of it. On second thought, maybe you should go see it... It's a fucking riot.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

eff off nablopomo

ahh I almost missed posting today! I am doing this from my phone so it will be short. I am at TKTC's still from Wicker Park Thanksgiving, which was awesome. I have a fabulous post coming up, all about the Twilight movie that Isaw this evening. It was hilariously terrible and I plan on doing an obnoxious recap this week. I am done typing now and not done drinking so I will talk to you soon.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Chicago bloggers get drunk

Chicago bloggers drank their faces off at Quartino and Streeters last night!

Big group. I didn't get enough pictures of everyone though because I suck.

Someone's awkward.

Second liter of wine.

Can't wait for glasses.

Hi ladies!


It's beer pong time.

The beer pong veteran.

Another expert.

And THIS is where the night takes a hilarious yet creepy turn... Note the scary man.

Mr. Creeptastic notices our group.

Little Miss Awkward encourages him.


And now you're in for a treat. Here are 10 seconds of your life that you'll never get back. You're welcome.

After that song, Mr. Creepers started making his way over to me. I think I drew attention to myself with my picture-taking and loud, creeped-out cackling. Ang immediately grabbed me, pulled me to the other side of her and glared at the man.

"Oh, no, no, no," she chided him. "MARRIED. NO."

"Happily married?" he asked me.

"YES." I said.

Ang again, "NO, NO, NO. GO."

Man persists, "Any kids?"

"One on the way -- cheers!" I said, raising my beer like a sloppy co-ed.

That did it. He left. No one likes a fetal alcohol syndrome joke.

All in all, a good night. :-)

Friday, November 21, 2008

This should clear things up

You've read how I feel about this. Perhaps it's time for a pretty picture.

Happy Friday!

See you at Quartino tonight, Chicagoans~

Thursday, November 20, 2008

When people cook for me

To Kiss the Cook makes yummy dinners.

That is all.

Next time I'm too busy at work to write an appropriate post, I'm going to show you some of the food Dave's made too. Soooo, DAVE, maybe cook me dinner again soon. Or, like, every day.

I'm still hungry.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

It's all coming together...

Got my furniture delivered today!

And, now, are you ready for this? The EYESORE of my living room...

Ewwwwww. Do not want.

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