Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Please explain

Here's something I just don't get:

Tilda Swinton.

What is her appeal?

To be fair, I've only seen her in one movie. She was fine in it, I guess. I may have had a hard time getting past the pastiness to judge fairly.

Just to make sure I wasn't going to be A Huge Asshole here, I actually Googled Tilly (let's call her that) to see if she has some kind of condition that accounts for her strange appearance and/or life choices. Nothing. So it looks like I have free range to make as many harsh comments as I want.

Let's start with the complexion. I think there's a fine line between "porcelain white" and "Casper-esque." Tilly falls in the latter category, as if her life is a constant audition for a role in the next Twilight movie. It's borderline sickly and I don't get it.

And let's not forget about her fashion sense. For reasons I can't fathom, fashion critics think she's edgy and avant guard. I think she usually looks like she was dressed in the dark by a manic 8-year-old who thinks that wrapping yourself in a ratty blanket sufficient for the red carpet.

What's with the nude-colored theme? It's not exactly helping with the whole washed-out look.

It's not just her looks that are odd, though. Her personal life like some freakishly well-adjusted Jerry Spring show. (Is that reference still relevant these days? Eh. I'm old school.)

First, there's the father of her twins, John Byrne. He's an old guy in his late 60s who is described as her "permanent partner." I think he just putters around the house, painting and taking care of the kids while she slinks around the world with her 30-year-old boyfriend. Don't feel bad for Byrne, though -- he's got a girlfriend too. Everyone knows about everyone else and, somehow, they're all cool with it.

Um, okay?

I think I just need someone to explain her appeal to me. Maybe her appeal is that no one actually "gets" her, like we're all just watching some alien life form float around our planet to see how it adjusts to Earth life. I don't know.

So, what am I missing here?


Rebekah said...

Yep. Right there with you.

She was a good actress in Benjamin Button, but the overall appeal? I don't know. It reminds me of being in grade school when everyone else could get their bangs sky-high and I couldn't get it.


Brick Cedar said...

She is fucking scary looking, damn Ice Queen.

Judy said...

I am so HAPPY that you blogged about Tilly! My coworkers and I were JUST talking about how "interesting" she is yesterday. I just don't get why she can't embrace the greatness of makeup, or in the very least, mascara, when she's on a red carpet. I mean, c'mon. She looks ten times better in movies than in real life.

The Alleged Ringleader said...

I couldn't agree more! I just don't understand her appeal AT ALL!

Maxie said...

she looks like she's always wearing a snuggie.

Taren said...

is she appealing? i was unaware.

elle michelle said...

Rebekah: I missed Benjamin Button. But if she's good in it (ie, not distracting), then I should go see what the buzz is all about.

Brick Cedar: But how do you really feel, darling?

Judy: Glad I'm not alone in this!

Ringleader: Yeah, does ANYONE?

Maxie: Haha, you're right!

Taren: All I know is that fashion critics act like she shits gold when she slinks down the red carpet in her awkward outfits!

Bayjb said...

I will say, I did like her in Michael Clayton and Burn Before Reading (the former more) but this fashion stuff just kills me. Let's look beyond beyond the Oscar mishap because that painted rainbow disaster just hurts my soul

bodelou said...

im with you. i don't get her appeal, and she totally reminds me of something out of some terrible 70s sci-fi movie. no maybe 80s. i don't know but that biatch is freaky!

bodelou said...

shit! i just saw this post on a blog i read. i thought of the coincidence of the topic. tilda makes me want to puke in my hand.

Aunt Becky said...

I think she looks like a creepy statue.

Shellbell said...

I figured it out! She's Eric Stoltz from Some Kind of Wonderful!!

It only took me 4 months to realize that....

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