Friday, April 17, 2009

Reasons to have babies

1. Instant blogging material. When I run out of blogging ideas, I can just talk about what silly/hilarious/idiotic/embarrassing thing my kid did. And you will EAT IT UP. (Interestingly, it's just not as charming to discuss my own public tantrums.)

2. Smug know-it-all attitude. I'll get to start every sentence with, "Oh, well, as a PARENT..." I believe this will especially help me at work, as my entire job focuses on child care. Let's hope parent status = credibility = high six-figure salary.

3. They can fetch wine so I don't have to get up. Twist-off caps are the new black, ya'll!

4. They can fetch beer so I don't have to get up. Get Mommy a cold one.

5. They can fetch vodka so I don't have to get up. Well, it LOOKS like water.



Reasons not to have babies:

1. Everything else.

11 comments:

Joy @ Big Time Fancy said...

Figured you'd appreciate these. :)

http://store.mcsweeneys.net/index.cfm/fuseaction/catalog.detail/object_id/5BF26A7C-80C6-4FD6-90D6-A6D9C7462611/BabyBeofUseBundle.cfm

Joy @ Big Time Fancy said...

Annnnd, I suck. Here, I'll use some magic HTML.

FUCKING AMAZING BABY BOOKS!!!

Marie said...

Interestingly enough I wrote about kids on my blog today.

Same wavelength maybe?

The Alleged Ringleader said...

Ditto to the EVERYTHING else reason!

Shellbell said...

oh come on! you know you're excited to move to the suburbs, but a minivan, and have soccer mom competitions about who can throw the most lavish birthday party for a 2 year old...
PLUS, don't forget about Aunt Shellbell!!!

TraciJ said...

Amen to the "everything else" reason......We decided NOT to have children a long time ago and we are very happy we did! =)

Allie said...

I'll settle for being an aunt for now. Seems pretty ideal - cute kid to hang out with, and I can always give him back to mom if something goes wrong.

The Constant Complainer said...

Just stopping by. I enjoyed your list - particularly the part about using the kid to get mommy a beer. Very entertaining!

Haley Dawn said...

don't forget about being able to get on the plane first so that you can pick awesome seats.

ps. found you on 20sb I really like your blog

RebeccaC said...

As a recent entry into the world of married people, I hear ya girl. I need at LEAST a year to NOT have babies before we even discuss.

Monica said...

I think the main reason to have kids is so that they can fetch stuff for you. I have had personal experiences when I was little having to retrieve tons of stuff for my parents. I can't wait for my turn!! LOL!! :D

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