Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Boy-crazy or just bat-shit-crazy?

I have never understood girls (well, women) who jump from guy to guy without taking so much as one breath of singledom. I've always been the opposite of that.

Sure, I had a boyfriend for a bit in high school but then I ditched him for the freedom, excitement and adventure of being a carefree coed in a brand new city... with new boys to meet and new boys date.

Except, I didn't really date anyone in college. Unless, of course, you count the gorgeous boy I tried to woo during our junior year. (He's still gorgeous, by the way, but not so interested in the ladies. We also became good friends.)

Regardless, I was always the single one, whereas my friends and roommates actually dated and even had serious boyfriends over the course of our four years together. It was never a "them" versus "me" scenario either; just because they had boyfriends didn't mean we couldn't party together. Single, dating, who cares! Let's go drink some Natty Light!

Fast forward 10 years.

I've been with Dave since I was 22 and we're coming up on our second year of marriage. I went from being the happily single chick to the happily married chick. I've never been the type to date someone just to date or just to have someone around. Why bother?

Then there's my sister.

She is one of those girls who ALWAYS has a boyfriend -- and she's had a ton of them. There was the AWFUL/mean guy when she was 15, the psychotic guy who thought he was Jesus when she was in college, the good-looking-but-dickish addict she met in rehab, the almost-divorced military guy with two kids, the guy she met at a strip club and, my favorite, the normal college grad who had a good job in marketing and no history of addiction.

This last one represented hope. Hope that my sister was growing up, hope that she knew she deserved better than what she'd had, hope that she'd found someone to keep her grounded. Hope that maybe she'd stop jumping around from guy to guy.


I got off the phone with my mom yesterday and she told me that sis was no longer with Good, Stable Marketing Man.

"Okay, so who's she dating now?" I asked half-jokingly.

"Someone named Justin," my mom answered.

"Seriously?" I asked. "I was just being an asshole about it, but did she really move on that quickly?"

Yes. Yes she did.

So my big question is WHY. Why can't she be single? What's the appeal of being with someone you don't really know? Does she have daddy issues? Then why don't I have daddy issues? Is it her environment? Should she move out of the south and get a chance of pace? Will this infatuation with being in love ever stop? Can I lock her in a closet somewhere until she turns 30, the magic age of maturity?

As someone who never had the patience or interest in dating anyone until it hit me like a ton of bricks with Dave, I fully admit that I just don't get it. Do you? Is it BAD that some girls always have a guy, or are there people who are just wired that way?


Anonymous said...

I think it's a mix of things. Some are really just wired that way, some have their value as a person tied to the person that they are dating, some do it because they don't know how to be single.

I'm with you on this one. I don't understand it, but see it all the time. It drives me nuts.

Kaci said...

I obviously don't know your sister, but from my experience, people with addictions tend to exhibit that behavior in multiple areas of their lives - including relationships.

I've seen this a lot, too... it's pretty frustrating to see someone you care about bounce around like that.

Traci said...

I agree with you!

In my opinion, it is a codependency issue, not because your sister has addiction issues either..... Some girls/women seem to think they have no "self-worth" without a man in their life and I couldn't disagree more!

Me....I didn't have many "boyfriends" either, but I have been happily married for 15 YEARS! =)

Kelly said...

I was actually just having this exact conversation with my aunt about my cousin. She is also an addict (coke), just got out of her second stint at rehab, and is now MOVING IN with a guy she met there! They've seriously know each other less than 3 months. I just don't understand why she doesn't get that this is a time in her life that she needs to focus solely on herself.

As for me I'm with you. I am happy to say Dan was my only boyfriend:)

elle michelle said...

cuteellaisbold: You're right, it can't just be ONE thing. Esp. with addicts.

Kaci: Yeah, it sucks. It's even worse since I can't seem to make sense of it!

Traci: 15 years, nice!! The way I see it, relationships (especially for an addict) are hard enough, so why waste your time with someone you're not head-over-heels for? (Or maybe she thinks she IS head-over-heels each time...)

Kelly: Good god, that could be my sister. I guess all we can do is be there to help pick up the pieces, no?

Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

I'm definitely like you ... never dated seriously until I graduated college ... and even then, didn't waste my time on guys I didn't think had long-term potential. I reveled in my singledom ... so much so that I waited until I was well into my 30s to get married. Old maid - loud and proud!

I will say that the Southern culture (from what I observed in my college years and by staying in touch with friends) is something that breeds coupledom. Lots of my friends got married soon after college. And nearly all my friends were in tight relationships if they weren't rushing to the alter. Like you, I just don't get it.

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