Tuesday, October 13, 2009

10 things I'd be thinking if I got preggo

If I got pregnant at this point in my life, here are the things that would run through my head:


1. Shit.

2. HOW did I lose the bet that my sister would be the first one to get knocked up?

3. When do babies' motor skills kick in so they can wrap their fingers around a bottle of wine and deliver it without dropping it?

4. I foresee money being a slight problem. Do babies really NEED things like cribs and formula and dental care? Because Mommy NEEDS TiVo, Cole Haan and Mana.

5. Oh em gee, what if I have a baby with red hair? Damn Dave and his recessive ginge genes.

6. I don't care how ridiculous this sounds, I WILL pluck my Italian baby's unibrow.

7. I vow to never bring my massive, obnoxious stroller on a crowded bus...

8. ...However, I might bring my obnoxious stroller into a crowded bar.

9. If you don't like your baby, can you trade it in for a pair of shoes or a nice restaurant gift card?

10. Goodbye, sleep. God, I'll miss you. More than you'll never know.


Dear birth control: I love you.

7 comments:

Marie said...

I try never EVER to think about it AT ALL.

As in NEVER EVER. Not for a VERY LONG TIME.

Brick Cedar said...

#8 is the best

Allie said...

There are literally 10 babies from people within a 50 foot radius of where I sit at work. They're everywhere...

elle michelle said...

Marie: I hear ya!

Brick: Yeah, because you can probably picture it happening... Along with a visit from Child Protective Services.

Allie: They are definitely taking over the world. I love my friends' babies and the occasional co-worker baby, but the random ones on buses? NO. DOES NOT BELONG.

Shellbell said...

umm. WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH NUMBER 5?! you should be so lucky

The Constant Complainer said...

As a parent, I got a kick out of your list. Good post!

RebeccaC said...

Total agreement on 1, 6, 7 and 10.

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