Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Square One

This post technically belongs on the other blog that I have abandoned, but since it's pretty vacant over there (and since it's, unfortunately, impossible to separate this aspect of my family from the rest of my life), I figure I'll write it here.

My sister, the addict, had a relapse not too long ago.

Her one-year was supposed to be October 15, but (apparently) she didn't even make it.

I don't feel like going into details, but the short story is that all of this was sparked by the fact that my sister was starting to steal money again. Which is infuriating.

"She's going to go after your pills next," I warned my mom. "Stealing is stealing, and if she'll take money, she'll take meds."

And what do I wake up to this morning?

A phone call from Dave letting me know that it happened. My shithead addict sister stole pills from my sick mother.

She took 60 Ativan, like that would go unnoticed. My mom called her, furious, and unleashed a tirade unlike any other. She's a very laid-back person, but this kind of despicable behavior really fuels the fury.

Sister then told my mom that she took the pills to try to kill herself.

Happy holidays, ya'll. My sister is suicidal.

While I do believe that my sister is self-medicating, I'm not sure if she wants to die. Actually, I think she'd rather make money. I don't know the street value for Ativan, but I can tell you from experience that it is some powerful shit. Since my sister was fired from her job around Thanksgiving, she needs another income. If I had to guess, I'd say she's taking an Ativan or two each day and selling some of the others. (If she was just taking them for herself, she could have stolen one at a time and my mom would never know.)

Sister then declared that she wanted to be checked into a facility. Does she want help or is she trying to escape responsibility? Is she trying to avoid dealing with my family? Is she actually suicidal?

These are things you never know with an addict. You can't trust them. And you do feel guilty for that, but it's the reality.

Part of me feels like I should be keeping this entirely private, but I look at this blog as something for me to look back on later and reflect on these parts of my life. Addiction is a part of that, and as much as I'd like to brush it under the rug and pretend it's not there, it is.

Now, I know the holidays are the toughest times for an addict. The chaos, the family time, the expectations -- it's overwhelming for them and it brings back the urge to use. I hate that. I hate that just being around us is enough to send her back into the throes of addiction. But what I really hate is the fact that she is SO selfish, SO sick, SO pained that she has no problem stealing my mom's pills. How do we fix that? How does she?


Maybe Santa will bring us some peace in 2010.


Maris said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Santa steps up to the plate this year.

I admire your strength for putting this out there for anyone to read and your sister is lucky to have you!

Whiskeymarie said...

I also have a (former, hopefully for good but I have my doubts)addict sister (several years of meth and whatever else).
I desperately needed someone to watch our cats a year or so ago, and had to ask her. I paid her to do it, and she STILL took pills (muscle relaxers for my back) from me. She didn't realize I counted them before we left as a "test".
The stuff we've been through- I totally feel your pain. Even though she's clean now, it's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Mostly I just cross my fingers and hope for the best. I'll cross my fingers, knock on wood, and throw a penny in a wishing well hoping for you too.

Rebekah J said...

That's just sick. No pun intended, it really does make me a little sick-feeling.

It makes me kind of scared for my boyfriend's mom, who claims to have made her 1-year mark. We haven't been able to get up to Michigan to see her, and she's been acting really erratic lately. For ten years, all of her friends there were alcoholics, and even though she SAYS she's doing well... it's just hard to trust from a distance. We're really afraid that something like this could be going on and we'd never know.

I'm sure this is really difficult for your family - I can't imagine going through it, especially with someone as close as a sister - and I hope that someday, when she finally does get herself together, she realizes how lucky she is to have all of you.

Stay strong!

Leah said...

I've gone through this for the past year with my brother, only on top of being an addict he's also bi-polar. My mom and brother live on the east coast, so I never actually know when I talk to either of them how well my brother is really doing or if my mom is downplaying everything so I won't worry. The worrying and the waiting (for something else to go wrong) is the worst. Hope everything turns around for your family in 2010.

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