Saturday, February 27, 2010

Welcome to the 'hood. Now get out.

I have new neighbors.

I haven't technically met them yet, but I'm pretty sure I hate them. This is why:

  • First off, they have two cars. Two large, white cars. This means they will be parking on our tiny patch of asphalt, hogging most of the room so that we and our other neighbor have to constantly play musical chairs to let each other out. Fun.
  • Second, one of their massive cars is a minivan. A minivan! I know I'm prejudice against these things, but really, there is nothing more obnoxious than a childless person driving one.
  • Third, that minivan has a vanity plate that says SQRPNTS. As in SQR PNTS. As in Square Pants. As in fucking Sponge Bob Square Pants.
  • Fourth, they like to play Ke$ha's music really, really loud. This is how I know they don't have children.

Soo, we'll see how this mess goes. The assholes live on the third floor while we're on the first, so the noise level isn't even as bad for us as it is for our poor second-floor neighbor. But I'll be damned if I don't throw a tantrum about it anyway.

Make me feel better: What's the worst neighbor you've ever had?


star said...

when my husband and i moved into our very first apartment, the unit under us was vacant, but about halfway through our lease some guys moved in and would play music so loud the walls would shake! the office people wouldnt do anything about it. needless to say, we didnt renew our lease and moved out!

Anonymous said...

We are lucky enough to live next to the worst house on our block. We hate them. They throw trash in our yard, have like six cars and have told my friends repeatedly that they can't park in "their" spots - except for that they don't own the spots because IT'S FUCKING STREET PARKING. So yeah, I feel ya.

TKTC said...

Yeah, I am not having this nonsense. Not even a little bit. I think we sticker their car with Mickey paraphernalia and crank some Nickelback. Nothing works out awful like awful and at least we have the option to be drunk and almost* kidding.

*If you are seriously going to choose Universal of DISNEY, don't talk to me. Harry Potter excluded.

Bayjb said...

Two cars? And one being a minivan? WTF? Go get a place in the suburbs. People like that shouldn't be in the city.

Leah said...

Mini-van? EW.

Worst neighbor story: Our old upstairs neighbors used to make so much noise, starting at 11pm, that it sounded like they were bowling above us. One time we went up there to see what they were doing and to ask them to shut up. Turned out there were paintings of naked people strewn all over their apartment, and all that noise was supposedly from them "tenderizing meat." I still think it was human meat, but I'll never be able to prove it. We don't live in that building anymore.

Kaci said...

I find it hilarious they have a minivan AND play Ke$ha's music. Niiiiice.

Life in the Cube said...

My worst neighbor is right now, they live above me. I call he/she Humpty Dumpty because either they are always falling down or they are a size of a house because I can hear them every time they walk. Before them, McLovin' live there. We would hear him have sex...sooo gross!

TraciJ said...

UGH! I hate BAD neighbors....

When I was single and living with a friend in Lakewood, OH we lived in a double house and were lived upstairs. The lady downstairs was a "nut-case" and I mean really! She was always drunk or hyped up on pills and smoked like a chimney! She was always knocking on our door for "something" and out in the yard chasing her dogs. Poor woman finally almost did herself in. She was found by the police naked in her dining room and there were bottles of pills everywhere. I was always afraid of the house burning down.....

Then fast-forward to CA where I lived in three different homes with my hubby and NOBODY talks to you - How crazy it that!!?? We lived in our last house for 3.5 years and NEVER spoke to our neighbors across the street. So we made up names for them ("Todd and Margo") - How strange/weird is that?!?!

Good luck with your crazies....Unfortunately, you can't pick your neighbors, even when you own your own home!

elle michelle said...

Star: That's exactly why I like being a renter right now!

Instatick: Oh, the trash-throwing would have me LIVID.

TKTC: Nickleback -- why didn't I think of that??

Bayjb: My thoughts exactly.

Leah: I know it's not funny, but that made me laugh. Duh, why WOULDN'T they be tenderizing meat at 11pm?

Kaci: Right? They are a total mystery.

Life in the Cube: Can you move? My solution for most things is to run away. ;-)

Tracij: What a crazy, sad lunatic! And I love that you made up names for your neighbors. I think I'll do it with mine. Hmm....

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