Monday, June 27, 2011

Calm assertive state

I admit it: I've watched quite a bit of Dog Whisperer in my day.

I've learned a lot...namely, little dogs are huge assholes when you act like they are human babies, a swift "SHHHHHPPPPPT" noise will correct many behaviors and Cesar Millan really, really likes rollerblades.

A common theme in the show isn't just training dogs, but having the owners become the Pack Leeeeeeeader. In my house, I like to think I'm Pack Leader, but if we're being honest, this is the one the dogs listen to:

Spray bottle of doom.

[It's filled with water. I don't *actually* Febreze my dog(s)...]

Yep, that's the trick. When the spray bottle comes out, the dogs go right to a submissive state. Oh, you want to bark incessantly at nothing? SPRAY BOTTLE. You're going to play right after eating, so Rocco throws up? SPRAY BOTTLE. You're going to play on my awesome, new couch? SPRAY BOTTLE.

It's hardly parenting pioneering over here, but it works and that's all I care about. I am Mom. I am dominant. And I will spray the shit out of you if you act like a jerk in my house. And then I will cuddle you afterwards because I feel a little guilty. If that's not love, I don't know what is.


Nilsa @ SoMi Speaks said...

Ha, I love it! Also love Cesar, though haven't watched him for a while. Oh, and in our house growing up, an empty soda can with 20 pennies on top of the trash can, on the open dish washer, etc. served it's purpose, too. Puppy gets its nose where it doesn't belong and the can crashes to the floor! It worked so well, we were eventually able to use a full can of soup to do the job.

Lacey Bean said...

My friend's dog used to be afraid of their pepper mill. They used to leave it on top of the trash so he wouldn't want to go in it.

Whiskeymarie said...

I've never watched the show, though he DOES seem to have a way with the canines. I was shocked at how crappy his "signature" dog food is, though- all sorts of nasty crap in it. I've never had to use the bottle, but the "SHHHHHPP" gets dragged out several times a day at LeCasa.

ryan_project said...

I like to pretend you use the same techniques on Dave.

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