Monday, January 11, 2010

The case of the lost wedding ring

It was a dark and stormy snowy night.

Kind of.

Dave was taking the dog out for one last shit before bed. I was in the apartment alone.

The phone rang.

"WTF," I say. It's 10:30 at night!

I look at the caller ID and I see it's Dave, who left the apartment not more than 1 minute ago. This can NOT be good.

"Hey," he says. "I just lost my wedding ring in the snow."

I am silent. Is this a joke? Because I am about to rage.

"Come help me look," he says before hanging up.

I throw on my boots, jacket and gloves, and head out. For the next 30 minutes, we comb through the snow in front of our neighbor's house. With all of the shoveling, the ring has most likely sunk down 8 inches into a snow pile. We, of course, find nothing.

The next night, we drive out to somewhere the trains don't go and rent a metal detector. With a new sense of hope, we bring this bright yellow (why?) device to our neighbor's snow piles. And let me tell you, I've come to realize that there's nothing more suspicious than two hooded 20-somethings lurking around in front of a home at night with a large metal weapon. But whatever. After nearly an hour of searching, still no ring.

The next day, we decide that the missing element in all this is daylight. Dave goes back out to the snow piles to try yet again. This time, a woman comes out to get her mail and looks at Dave quizzically. He tells her that he lost his wedding ring somewhere in the snow.

She says, "Oh noooo. Oh noooo. Oh noooo. Oh shit."

Oh shit is right, lady. Oh shit is right.

Everyone who walked by and heard the story shared the same sentiment. Whether they chuckled or gave the Sad Eyes, they all agreed that the ring was never going to be found. Especially after a few extra days of snowfall and shoveling.

By the end of the afternoon, we were ready to agree.

So, here we are, defeated.

Dave's new plan is to sit out in front of the neighbor's in a lawn chair once 40 degrees hits, in hopes that the snow will melt and the ring will magically appear. Hey, we've tried everything else.

In the meantime, he'll buy a $10 band from Target. And once we're rich, we'll get him a new, real band to replace the lost one. Because, really? That thing is GONE.


Shellbell said...

i feel your pain. We lost john's in the ocean less than a month after the wedding.
I had splurged and gotten the ridiculously over priced one. After that, we got him a cheapo one from the mall.

rachel said...

oh my lord up in heaven. i'm so sorry, that sucks. but, you have the wedding pictures with the ring, and you have a super awesome husband... so try not to be too upset.

lovesfool said...

Once again made me laugh.

Whiskeymarie said...

My husband lost his as well- less than a year into the marriage, in the snow while shoveling the car out.
We never did find it, and to this day (13+ years later), he's still wearing the $25 silver replacement that we bought at a tacky store in the Mall of America.
The way I see it, it could have been worse- it could have been my irreplaceable engagement ring. Now THAT would have sucked.

Bayjb said...

Tell Dave I'll visit him sitting in that lawn chair. Bummer about the ring, so sorry to hear. I hope it magically turns up.

Marie said...

Oh dear. Yeah that's all I got.

Hipstercrite said...

just came across your blog from 20sb. love your style. can't wait to follow more.

jalant said...

Try extension cording a hair dryer out there and melt that shit! Or hot water!??! At this point you can't look any stranger! ;-) But have faith my friend you'd be shocked at what shows up when the snow melts....

elle michelle said...

Shellbell: I remember that. Lesson learned -- men should not have expensive rings.

Rachel: I would have been much more upset if it were MY ring.

Lovesfool: Good -- something positive better come out of this!

Whiskeymarie: What is it with these men? I would have died if it were my engagement ring too. Mine's been in my family for 4 generations. It would have been an "oh fuck" moment, not "oh shit."

Bayjb: I'll tell him!

Marie: Keep your fingers crossed.

Hipstercrite: Glad we found each other. :-)

Jalant: I thought about it! And you're right, we can't look any creepier than we do right now.

That Kind of Girl said...

Oh no! I'm sending good psychic metal-detector vibes your way! Hopefully it turns up and you guys just get a funny story out of it.

Anonymous said...

The image of Dave sitting in a lawn chair staring at a pile of snow in 40 degree weather is absolutely hilarious!

elle michelle said...

That Kind of Girl: We can use all the help we can get!

Instatick: Completely. And I don't think he's joking.

Related Posts with Thumbnails