Wednesday, January 6, 2010

War

My fuck-off face.


My body and I are in a fight.

When I turned 26, my body declared war on drinking, eating whatever I want, chocolate, popcorn, drinking and more drinking. WHAT THE HELL, BODY? (Also, why must everything I consume go to my stomach and face rather than, ya know, my boobs?)

All of a sudden, I have to watch what I eat and start working out. Gone are the days of flitting around in tight tops while scarfing down five beers and a basket of onion rings dipped in ranch. Nobody told me this was going to happen.

In fact, my mom essentially told me the opposite. She's been teeny tiny her whole life. Didn't weigh 100 pounds until she got married and even now -- in her 50s -- she tops out around 112. And she's had babies. I, on the other hand, just look like I'm having babies. Not cool, stomach. I'm coming after you.

So, this is war, I guess. Stupid body. One thing's for sure: I'm not going down without a fight.

8 comments:

kat said...

Shut up. I bought a zucchini today that was bigger than you.

I do, however, totally sympathize with the urge to pluck the pudge from less-than-appealing places and inject it straight into my boobs. If you find a way to do this, please let me know.

Andy said...

So you're getting face fat? Hmm. I can understand you wanting it to go to your boobs... but, at least that's possible it could do that at some point.
Guys don't get the same advantage- if we gain weight, we don't have it go to our manpiece. Of course if we did, we'd be eating Twinkies for dinner.

instatick said...

The same thing happened to me when I turned 25. It was like woo-hoo, happy birthday! And then all of a sudden my metabolism had disappeared and I still can't find it.

Whiskeymarie said...

My metabolism started a slow, steady decline at 25 and came to a screeching halt around 30. It sucks- mostly because, like you, I ate whatever I wanted, never exercised, and stayed skinny minnie no problem. So now, I so much as think about anything deep fried and I can't pull my jeans up past my knees. Good times.

Bayjb said...

It's war time. I have been struggling a lot with the body stuff lately too. We'll beat this yet. Love your hat too.

elle michelle said...

Kat: I'll keep you posted.

Andy: Okay, you've got a point there.

Instatick: I knew I wasn't alone!

Whiskeymarie: Lovely, so I have even more of a halt to look forward to.

Bayjb: Maybe we should cut back on the champagne... Nah. Forget I said anything. ;-)

That Kind of Girl said...

Oh man, body-changing in one's 20s is like the evil twin of puberty. When I turned 23, I stopped being able to eat fried or greasy food at 8pm. And I know it's all downhill from here...

elle michelle said...

That Kind of Girl: Sad, but true. Now we actually have to WORK to look good? Blah.

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