Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Things I've wanted to tell people on Facebook

  • You picked the stupidest name for your baby.
  • I know you want us to take you seriously in that big-girl business suit, but your completely unnecessary cleavage is demanding otherwise.
  • Enough with the Jesus talk. It's seriously freaking me out.
  • I know you're engaged and I hate to break this to you, but you are (and have always been) a lesbian. Please, stop fighting it and just be yourself. The charade is killing me.
  • Remember how we used to be good friends until my wedding happened and you got bent out of shape about things? Well, are you over it yet so we can go back to normal?
  • Aren't you too old to be posting on Facebook as often as you do?
  • It's not 1994 anymore. You can throw away the puka shells.
  • Hey, way to be a completely stereotypical caricature of your political party.


Lovesfool said...

Love this...especially the puka shells.

Shellbell said...

haha. sadly i qualify for the 3rd from the bottom... but i am blame unemployment, not my age :)

Shellbell said...

...and apparently i like to add the word "am" into random sentences.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...


can i also had, please don't make your profile picture your sonogram?

That Kind of Girl said...

YES. It is my intention now just to link to this blog entry when I feel like telling people off for being fbook-inappropriate.

Anonymous said...

Haha love these. Esp the spelling one.

The Constant Complainer said...

OK, this was a seriously good post. Sometimes Facebook really drives me crazy. I signed up for one simple reason - to reconnect with people who I might not otherwise have been able to. But unfortunately, that's not always the case - and there's a lot of crap that comes with Facebook.

Bayjb said...

God these are so true. Can we add something about ultrasounds as your profile picture? Seriously, your baby isn't even here yet. I get it, you're pregnant

Whiskeymarie said...

My favorite is when couples communicate with one another via FB. It's one thing to "like" something your partner says, but constantly commenting to one another just makes me think that their communication skills are seriously lacking (and that they're trying WAY too hard).

Oh, and can we start a FB campaign to teach people the difference between "loose" and "lose"? Argh!

Kate said...

LOVE. Although, if people learned how to spell, who would I make fun of?

elle michelle said...

Lovesfool: Figured you would. ;-)

Shellbell: Um, no. We are never too old for anything, because it's us.

Alexa: You got it!

That Kind of Girl: Happy to be of service.

Fromatopink: That's one of my biggest. I know we all make mistakes, but seriously? Some people are so effing stupid.

Constant Complainer: TONS of crap.

Bayjb: You = Alexa, and I love it.

WhiskeyMarie: Yes and yes. You'd appreciate SFTU Marrieds, I think.

Kate: Ooo, very good point. But I have confidence that some of our peers are idiotic enough to give us more ammunition. :-)

me in millions said...

How about:
I don't care about your son's pooping habits.

I think you only friended me in a passive agressive show of how I'm not married yet and you are.

Your engagement ring looks cheap.

Your husband looks like white trash.

Excellent post.

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