My bad

Sometimes I really suck at driving. I mean, not in general, but we all have those momentary lapses when judgment and reason fly out the window and we do something completely dumbass -- which I did today.

After work, I ran to Walgreens and picked up a few things before heading home... like, 50 ft away.

I turn down my street and start to pull into the alley behind my apartment. And, of course, a huge white minivan (DIE, minivan) was coming down the alley without any hope of two of us fitting through there. I sighed and sat there for a minute making sure I could actually back up before getting out of their way.

Finally, I get a clearing and I slowly back up... and then someone hits my car with their fists.

Fists!

I stop short and immediately turn around to see who this asshole is. It's some tiny, middle-aged woman who was trying to get my attention because I was, ya know, about to hit her. Guess the asshole's me!

But instead of this little mishap ending there, she looks right at me and shrieks the most idiotic thing one could possibly say in such a moment.

"DID YOU SEE ME???!?"

Are you kidding? Yeah, lady, I saw you, but it's just one of my little quirks to try to plow down folks in the neighborhood. Come on! Also, you're two feet tall! I gave her the oddest look and yelled back, "UH, NO, OF COURSE NOT!" And then I did some flailing hand gestures that Italians so often do, pulled out safely and let the minivan (ugh) get out of the way.

And then I was really glad I had just picked up another refill of my Lexapro.

The end.