Just once, I would like to see an article on relationships/marriage that doesn't take cheap shots or use passive-aggressive (uh, or straight-up aggressive) language for the other side.
Why You're Not Married
- "The problem is not men. It's you."
- "You're a bitch."
- "Working around a man's fear and insecurity is big part of what you'll be doing as a wife."
- "You're shallow. / You're a slut. / You're a liar. / You're selfish."
- "A good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself."
An Open Letter to the Women Who Are Telling Me It's My Fault I'm Not Married
- "As I was leaving, she said to me, with a great deal of kindness: 'You're pretty, and you're smart. It's a curse. You'll have a lot of difficulty finding a man.' It could have been crushing, if I wasn't aware of it already."
- "In essence, in order to participate in the ritual custom of marriage, we have to become shadows of our best selves."
Sigh. Do you really know why you're not married? Me neither. And neither do these authors. And neither does anyone else. Except maybe Jessica Ravitz, who sums it up with a no-nonsense: "Sure, you might be a bitch, a slut, a liar, shallow, selfish or not good enough. Maybe, though, you happen to be 41 and single because life, real life with all its complications, has just worked out that way. So far."
That goes for everyone, married or not: life just worked out that way.
I believe I'm married because my life worked out in a way that I found Dave when I was young. It feels more like dumb luck than anything I planned, did or didn't do. And I'm getting annoyed with articles that ignore the role of luck while simultaneously taking a shit on women on the other side of the marriage line. I know women who are happy being married and women who are happy being single, and I also know that it's absurd to shove us all in the same box, toss around a bunch of labels and draw black-and-white conclusions based on little more than insufferable superiority.
So stop it.