New apartment

Well, we finally found a new apartment. I say "finally," but, really, I know it only took about a week. I could go into all the details about how we found it and blah, blah, blah but I don't care and I don't think you do either. I've moved on to my next big project: decorating.

You see, our new apartment is doing a special where they paint accent walls for you for free.

Of course, we're only talking about 825 sq ft here, so everything has to coordinate well and flow, lest we have a funhouse-esque, circus feel. SO not chic.

I'm really into earthy tones, so after a few hours of deliberating and talking to myself, here's what I think I'd like to do:



The furniture and accessories are the items I already have (minus the shower curtain that pulls it all together), so at least I've got a decent color palette going, I think.

The walls in our new place are white, so I didn't want to do a super bold color in the living room because I'm a wimp like that and also because we might change our furniture someday soon.

I dunno, guys, I'm so insecure about home decorating. I love putting together outfits but something about painting walls terrifies me. I second-guess myself constantly with this shit, which is why most of my apartments have all resembled a stark insane asylum. I need your opinions, Internet!

Oh, and I have big windows with lots of natural light (and RIDICULOUS views of the lake, since I'm on the 51st floor), if that makes a difference.

So, suggestions? Massive bouts of praise? Fun accent items you'd like to buy me? Let's hear it.

Gives to meaning to "frightening," huh?

What should I be for Halloween?

I actually never dress up for this holiday. Really, I kind of ignore it. "Ignore," "hate," same thing. Anyway, October 31 in Chicago is uaually freezing, so unless I dress as an eskimo, chances are I'm going to be sacrificing warmth for looking like an overdone jackass. No, thank you.

But, there are far too many good opportunities this year. It's at least worth a blog post where I pretend to actually consider these outfits.

Btw, Dave, I have totally included you in my plans. We'll talk.



McCain/Palin
Dave can dress up as an old man with walnuts in his cheeks and a visible disdain for the liberal elite and I can dress in a black suit with some kick-ass red pumps. I'll need to carry a moose-shootin' gun, proselytize a lot, wink so much that it looks like I'm having a seizure and speak like I don't know the name of a single magazine whatsoever.

Bristol/Redneck Baby-Daddy
I'll make my hair super straight, stuff a pillow by my belly and wear a neutral tone wrap dress. Dave will look disheveled and drunk, which might not be too far off. Though he WILL have to act like he doesn't have a PhD. Don't worry, I can school him in the nuances of mild retardation.

Long Island Mafia
As a dago couple, Dave can wear a pinky ring and I'll wear a velor track suit with big, gold jewelry. Dave will say the only Italian word he knows ("stugots") and I'll speak in the nasaly, nagging voice I learned from my grandmother.

A Ginge
HAHA. Okay, that one might be more like an inside joke, but it was worth mentioning to the few of you who would get it.

Those Whores from Rock of Love
Since we actually saw them filming a few weeks ago on the rooftop next to my balcony, I can't get these whores out of my head. Dave can wear a long, stringy blonde wig, a bandanna and maybe get some Restalyne injections. I can do the same, except also get fake boobs and stumble around with an undeserved sense of superiority.

New Haircut
Well, this one's for Dave, not me. But it would be HILARIOUS. Yeah, his collar's popped, so everyone knows he's the fuckin' man. Not now, Chief. He's in the zone.

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz
Dave and I can both wear eyeliner, flat iron our hair and cut our wrists because we're just that pained. Done and done.

Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus
The key here is lots of kissing and inappropriate touching. (Yeah, I went there.)

Anna Wintour
I kind of love this elitist bitch. I'll walk around in super-big sunglasses and with an I'm-better-than-you gait and Chanel suits. I'll also yell at people and make everyone bring me fur shawls with a snap of my fingers.


Yes, these are all clearly winning ideas. But I have actually found the *perfect* costume, mostly because it requires ZERO effort beyond me showing up to a party drunk, which is kinda my thing.


Yes, folks, this Halloween, I will be:

That Drunk Chick from My Favorite Drunk History

"This is SEPARATE. This is SEPARATE than the interview. Hiccup."

She is a sloppy mess and I absolutely adore her.


What are you gonna be?

Since I can't shop right now...

...I decided to torture myself.

As I sat here eating my Simply Asia noodle soup bowl (which is really just a fancy version of Ramen Noodles -- and by fancy, I mean it was $1.30 instead of 45-cents), I got the urge to create a cute outfit.

You see, Team Sugar teamed up with ShopBop and told all of us vapid, fashion-obsessed label whores to create our own looks for an ongoing contest. Here's what I did:

Top: Loeffler Randall
Cuff: Roberto Cavalli
Shoes: Giuseppe Zanotti
Clutch: Lauren Merkin

And now I want. Can anyone spare $2,600?

DAMMIT MONEY TREE. Grow, already!

This makes me happy

Since this apartment shit is so depressing and I've been accused of not being myself lately, I decided to do something special and buy myself this fabulous fall coat:




It fits absolutely perfectly and it makes me happy. And it wasn't too expensive, either, which is good because my finances are a little limited right now (after the wedding, honeymoon and big furniture buy). Ugh, I'm dying to update my fall wardrobe!! Do you even know how many cute shoes there are out there?

Restraint SUCKS.

Big thanks to Zannie for dressing me. :-)

Wedding, Part 4

We went straight from the ceremony immediately into the reception. Hotel 71 is awesome because we herded everyone into the cocktail area for an hour while our florist and the amazing hotel staff transformed our connecting ceremony area into the reception space.

Aaand massive drinking ensued.

PART 4: RECEPTION, BITCHES

Sister with friends. By the bar, of course.

I was beyond thrilled how everything turned out.

Woman's hand + alcohol = Drunk Grandma (who else?)

Holla.

I threatened violence if he smashed cake in my face.

Cake was chocolate with real raspberries crushed in chocolate ganache filling.

Looooves you.

Mom, find me Dad's written speech and frame it. Seriously.

Laughter, just before tears. (Mine.)

Best man speech. Also incredible.

We love Joe.

BFFs.

Sister speech.

I look like I'm telepathically threatening her if she says anything embarrassing.

One of my favorite pictures of the wedding. I almost always tear up seeing it.

Photos were SO good. We never even noticed them.

Looks like a stock photo, but it's not.

No idea what was funny, but I was drunk. Could've been anything.

First dance. Wanna hear the song? Click below...

BEST FIRST DANCE SONG EVER

Look at his dimples. How adorable is that?

What a wonderful world.

Such a Daddy's Girl.

Mama's boy, dancing to Frank Sinatra's Shadow of Your Smile.

With sis and mom.

DRUNKY IS BACK. Along with the family friend who made my amazing veil.

Mom and Dad

Leave room for God, boys. Leave room for God.

HORA

We're very excited.

I SWORE I wouldn't do this. Drunk people lifting chairs? No, thanks.

Dave got dropped. He says he "bailed" but this was Attempt No. 2.

Hey, why not?

Ang and Mel!! Who's surprised Ang has bubbles?

Yeah, I wish I knew what the hell this was all about.

Our moms dancing.

Sneaking away from the reception for a few nighttime shots.

On Wacker.

And we're done.

Hope you guys enjoyed the wedding!!

I'll post honeymoon stuff next. I still haven't uploaded the pictures and I've been home for a few weeks now. I'll get to it, I promise. But not this weekend because I'm going to The Best Bachelorette Party Ever at some wineries just outside of St. Louis.

Have a fantastic weekend. :-)

In honor of tonight's VP Debate

Here is my interview with Sarah Palin. (Click here to interview her yourself.)


Q: What are your views on the economy?

PALIN: And it's going to take a whole a change in leadership in order to really crush that gridlock and get going on this.

Shoring up our economy, and and putting it back on the world.

They're seeing through mediums that one.


Q: Why are you so stupid?

PALIN: I had kids.


Q: Should you have aborted that last kid?

PALIN: I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to ya.


Q: Will you shoot Putin like a moose?

PALIN: They're our next door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.

As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the aisle, he can surpass the partisanship that must surpassed to deal with an issue like this also.


Q: How awesome is Tina Fey?

PALIN: No, no.

Oh no, it's nothing negative at all.

That was the trip of a school teacher, a science teacher, who has really instilled in me a respect for science.

I'm saying that, personally, I would like to take to defend themselves and for their security.

We have that within me also.

I'm looking forward to meeting him, too.

We will not support this.

I have one of them.

I do, and that's a dangerous position for our country, for democracy, for our world to be supported, and adoptions made easier.

I don't know if government is going to do and what I have seen change there.


Q: Whoa, bitch, settle down.

PALIN: Reform that actually happens is tough and you can't just sit down with him the other day and giving him my commitment, as John McCain had pushed for, more troops?

I support this country.


Q: Unfortunately, the smart people in this country don't support you. How do you respond?

PALIN: They're waiting to see a culture of life in this country, will be committed to the issues that we're talking about Israel, we're talking about the need to ramp it up in jail for having an abortion, absolutely not.


Q: Please name any magazine, ever.

PALIN: Now, I would ever support.


Q: Are you drunk?

PALIN: In what respect, Katie?


Q: In the respect of you being so borderline retarded that you've GOT to be subsisting on vodka and Cheez-Its.

PALIN: So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to have exerted such pressure in terms of invading a smaller democratic countries.

So we have to keep...

We cannot ever support.


Q: I'll take that as a "yes."

PALIN: I'm not going to take it one step further.

He wants that healthy deliberation and debate within.


Q: Why would you make women pay for their own rape kits?

PALIN: Um, helping the the freedoms, the democracy, the… the women's rights, the tolerance, they hate what we stand for with the American people are trusting these companies with their insurance policies and construction bonds and the insurance carrier duties of AIG.

You can be protected with them.


Q: Uh huh. All I just heard you say is, "Oh, it's because I hate women."

PALIN: Because another thing that we'll talk about your years of experience and just assuming that the example that you can't just sit down with him the other party, also.

Absolutely.


Q: At the debate tonight, are you going to spew out nothing more than glittering generalities or will you maybe say something of substance?

PALIN: We have got to understand that John McCain knows, more so than any other state, up there with the volume all the all the answers.

And I'm saying that.


Q: Aaaand I think you've just answered my question. Thank you for your time, you crazed snowbilly.

Rosh Ha-Who?

As a half Jew, I'm half offended.

Link (Defamer, but Zannie found it.)