Thursday, October 9, 2008

Gives to meaning to "frightening," huh?

What should I be for Halloween?

I actually never dress up for this holiday. Really, I kind of ignore it. "Ignore," "hate," same thing. Anyway, October 31 in Chicago is uaually freezing, so unless I dress as an eskimo, chances are I'm going to be sacrificing warmth for looking like an overdone jackass. No, thank you.

But, there are far too many good opportunities this year. It's at least worth a blog post where I pretend to actually consider these outfits.

Btw, Dave, I have totally included you in my plans. We'll talk.

Dave can dress up as an old man with walnuts in his cheeks and a visible disdain for the liberal elite and I can dress in a black suit with some kick-ass red pumps. I'll need to carry a moose-shootin' gun, proselytize a lot, wink so much that it looks like I'm having a seizure and speak like I don't know the name of a single magazine whatsoever.

Bristol/Redneck Baby-Daddy
I'll make my hair super straight, stuff a pillow by my belly and wear a neutral tone wrap dress. Dave will look disheveled and drunk, which might not be too far off. Though he WILL have to act like he doesn't have a PhD. Don't worry, I can school him in the nuances of mild retardation.

Long Island Mafia
As a dago couple, Dave can wear a pinky ring and I'll wear a velor track suit with big, gold jewelry. Dave will say the only Italian word he knows ("stugots") and I'll speak in the nasaly, nagging voice I learned from my grandmother.

A Ginge
HAHA. Okay, that one might be more like an inside joke, but it was worth mentioning to the few of you who would get it.

Those Whores from Rock of Love
Since we actually saw them filming a few weeks ago on the rooftop next to my balcony, I can't get these whores out of my head. Dave can wear a long, stringy blonde wig, a bandanna and maybe get some Restalyne injections. I can do the same, except also get fake boobs and stumble around with an undeserved sense of superiority.

New Haircut
Well, this one's for Dave, not me. But it would be HILARIOUS. Yeah, his collar's popped, so everyone knows he's the fuckin' man. Not now, Chief. He's in the zone.

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz
Dave and I can both wear eyeliner, flat iron our hair and cut our wrists because we're just that pained. Done and done.

Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus
The key here is lots of kissing and inappropriate touching. (Yeah, I went there.)

Anna Wintour
I kind of love this elitist bitch. I'll walk around in super-big sunglasses and with an I'm-better-than-you gait and Chanel suits. I'll also yell at people and make everyone bring me fur shawls with a snap of my fingers.

Yes, these are all clearly winning ideas. But I have actually found the *perfect* costume, mostly because it requires ZERO effort beyond me showing up to a party drunk, which is kinda my thing.

Yes, folks, this Halloween, I will be:

That Drunk Chick from My Favorite Drunk History

"This is SEPARATE. This is SEPARATE than the interview. Hiccup."

She is a sloppy mess and I absolutely adore her.

What are you gonna be?


Phil said...

I love Halloween! I do have a costume all set, but unfortunately I can't disclose it at this time. I'm keeping it a secret until the big day. Once all is said and done, I'll be happy to divulge who I was. :)

ANG* said...

all amazing ideas. you better be at josh/kevin's party so you can narrate my drunk history of the night cause we all know i'm sure as hell not dressing up :)

Lovesfool said...

I vote ginge and new haircut. I think I might go as dwight.


I am dwight.

surviving myself said...

Don't go as McCain/Palin, everyone is going to do that.

I actually like Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray Cyrus, basically because I'm all about being as inappropriate as possible.

Jenn said...

I have no idea what I'm going to be. I haven't dressed up in years. I think dressing up as Miley & Billy Ray would be pretty funny.

RebeccaC said...

Geh..I'm in total Halloween costume denial right now. No inspriration for the JiT and I. Please just say no to Palin though...I think the whole U.S. is going to look like it was overtaken by her that day. Geh.

Aunt Becky said...

A couple years ago I was going to be Britney--while pregnant--and Daver was going to be K-Fed. I'd do it again, but they're sadly no longer together. And man, how trashy is that.

I was ghetto one year. That was pretty cool.

elle michelle said...

Phil: You'd better post pictures! We're totally in a fight since you've left me in suspense.

Ang: I love that you and I boycott costumes.

Lovesfool: You made me laugh way too loud. I really, really hope you go as Dwight.

Surviving Myself: Inappropriate? You? Naaahhhh.

Jenn: I haven't dressed up in years either. Does that mean it's time? (Please say no.)

Rebecca: Palin's out. The Drunk History chick is WAY funnier and, frankly, much more qualified to run our country.

Aunt Becky: Since you're preggers again, YOU guys can be Ashlee and Pete! Just make sure you only cut yourself enough to get attention, not to do any real harm.

Alexa said...

dave has to be new haircut! and you would be a fabulous drunk chick - i mean you wouldn't really have to do anything but be yourself.


Related Posts with Thumbnails