Tuesday, August 11, 2009


When you're unemployed, your full-time job is finding a job... and maybe drinking.

You have a celebratory drink for the new, exciting possibilities. You have a depressed drink for not having a steady income. You have an optimistic drink for the economy. You have a terrified drink for not being able to pay your rent. You have a "calm the fuck down" drink to keep the panic at bay. You have an encouraging drink because you KNOW that you're amazing at your job.

You just drink.

Of course, the Catch-22 here is that drinking costs money. Jobs make money, but you don't have one of those. So it's time for sacrifices.

You quietly switch out your Ketel One for Silver Dragon. You stop going out to bars in favor of a cheaper night in with an even cheaper six-pack of beer. And you actually consider buying BOXED WINE.


Alcohol isn't the only area where you have to make some adjustments.

  • You realize you'll probably have to settle for a one-bedroom when you move instead of the two-bedroom you've been banking on.
  • You start buying Pantene instead of the John Frieda collection.
  • You kiss your Dior eye cream goodbye.
  • You start wondering if it's really worth it for the $50/month birth control pill that you forget to take half the time anyway.
  • You consider jobs that start with "h" and end in "ooker."
  • And, this one might be the hardest to swallow, you can't spend irresponsible amounts of money on shoes and clothes.

That's right, folks. It's time for some sacrifices. But there is one sacrifice I will not make:

I will NOT refer to Hilarious Co-Worker as anything but Hilarious Co-Worker.

We may not work together anymore, but some people are too funny to be bothered with literal meanings. So, HC, come hang out sometime. I'll supply the Ramen, you bring the booze.


Dysfunction Junction: said...

The good news is: I'm seriously considering a job that starts in P and ends in IMP.

It's pretty much all PR anyways.

And I think Duffy's has $1 beers on Wednesday.

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i love this post.

i don't love your situation cause i've been there and it sucks. but you have a good outlook (booze is awesome) and you're talented.

you'll find something soon, and in the time being - drink boxed wine.

there are some good ones out there now, I PROMISE.

Shellbell said...

again, this really sucks. But beyond that, welcome to my impoverished world! It sucks. But you'll learn to love ramen, borrowed internet, and free tv. (and you'll have to drink, since it's the only way to cope with all this)

Beyond that, anyone place would be lucky to have you (even a street corner). And I could even come visit, AND pay for your drinks (well, the first few at least)

Audrey said...

When I read this post, I can't but help think what a loss to that company.

You are an extremely talented (and witty) writer.

This change will for sure change the direction of your life, and knowing you and your tenaciousness, the end result will be something better that makes you happier.

Keep the faith and your spirit. Its a new beginning!

Lots of love,
Your favorite (and only)sister-in-law

RebeccaC said...

I'm so out of the loop! Sorry to hear about your unemployment, but hopefullly its an opportunity to find something amazing that you'll really, really love.

In the meantime, JT and I often by one of the "upscale" boxed wines. Angel Juice (white) and Devil Juice (red). Both are actually quite good and a huge savings next to bottles! Good luck!

Kelly said...

This really sucks.

However don't stop getting the birth control bills. Babies are way more expensive!

Aunt Becky said...

Never, ever drink boxed wine. Ever.

TKTC said...

I'm with Kelly on the expensive babies. No no no. Particularly in a 1 bedroom. Even if you are moving to a less expensive, more badass neighborhood.

Also, I'm okay with boxed wine. It keeps and Blackstone's Black Box?? Delicious. Know who else LOVES boxed wine? Kate Langsen. And you know that woman would not shit you when it comes to wine.

And in addendum, I've gone over many rants in my head that I'd like to deliver personally to the person I perceive to have put you and Angie in this position. In it, I use words that I refrain from apart from special occasions, this being one of them. And you know I'm not one for restraint.

And in closing, I think we should turn Saturday into a "Stock the Bar" party. I am more than willing to bring good things.

The Constant Complainer said...

Being unemployed sucks. But you're 100% right about the alcohol though. I work in HR and read a study recently that said as unemployment goes up, more liquor stores open. I guess it's one of the only booming businesses. LOL.

Maxie said...


It gets me through my... day, week, life.

Anonymous said...

You hit the nail on the head. Give unemployment a few more weeks. You'll love boxed wine. Trust me. I never thought I'd see the day either. ;) And my lips miss my Dior Addict lipgloss. Life is so unfair.

Mike Newman said...

I bumped into your blog not too ago and had soooo much fun reading it! Keep up the good work and good luck with the job hunting!!!!! :)

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