Sunday, December 21, 2008

The definition of pure klass

At the risk of starting off this post as an opening to Stuff White People Like, I'll have you all know that Dave and I went to the ballet last night for my birthday. Yep, the ballet.

I went to see plays and ballets in NYC quite a bit when I was young, however my only recollection of going into the city is stepping out of the car for the first time and announcing, "I don't like this place. It's dirty." CATS, the Nutcracker -- those details all fuzzy.

Nonetheless, my grandmother did all she could to help us be cultured (snotty?) little East Coasters. Her efforts are much appreciated, but I was looking forward to seeing the Nutcracker this weekend for the simple fact that I'm now old enough to really enjoy it.

But, oh, nooooo. I wasn't going to be allowed to enjoy it. Not completely. Not thanks to the klassy people who showed up.

First off, I have to say that my biggest pet peeve is when people show up to the theater in jeans. Jeans, really? It's not a fucking NASCAR race, folks, it's the theater. At least pretend to have enough class and respect to put on a pair of khakis. Jesus.

So, I was already a little annoyed when I saw several people showing up in jeans, but wevs. It's totally unreasonable to expect that an entire theater be filled with people dressed to the nines. People suck, I know that.

But is it really so unreasonable to expect people to NOT CLAP TO THE BEAT OF THE MUSIC AT A FREAKIN BALLET??

Oh, yes they did.

I promise, I could not make this up.

Not only were people clapping after every pirouette and grand jete (let's calm down, everyone, they learned that shit at the age of 10), but a wildly inappropriate section of the theater actually started clapping along with the beat of the music during the second act. Like it was a square dance.

I was appalled and totally embarrassed for us as an audience. The dancers need concentration, they need to hear the music, the musicians need to hear each other -- under no circumstance should we cheapen the ballet experience by ruining those important elements and pretending we're all at some keg-infested ho-down.

They didn't stop there, though.

This klass act also got pretty vocal. As soon as the Russian dancers set foot on stage (before they even did anything), the group was hooting and cheering! AHHH, god dammit, it's not a pep rally either!

I honestly don't know what's wrong with people. I know that people are insisting that the "rules" of theater are becoming more relaxed, but I don't go to the theater to be entertained anything other than what's on stage. Sure, it all makes good fodder for a bitchy blog post, but I'd much rather be able to enjoy a production than be distracted by the assholes in the audience.

So, in review, the ballet is NOT a:

  • NASCAR race
  • Square dance
  • Ho-down
  • Pep rally

Let's try to remember that next time we all go see a show, shall we?


Erin said...

I'm shocked and appalled. You don't make that kind of noise at the ballet. I probably would have ahd to kick some serious ass.

Andy said...

Hahahahahaha... Oh, how tasteless.

I love the ballet, and I'm a dude. I'm also a white dude. Hence, I love the "Stuff White People Like" site, because it is hilarious. Just like you.

Brick Cedar said...

The jeans sent me over the edge. Seriously, who does that? It isn't a fucking movie, it is the theatre.

Marie said...

I love ballet! If this happens next time, make sure you brought a bat with you so you can smack idiots like that over the head with it.

Rebekah said...

Maybe the ballet doesn't belong on the main list of "Stuff White People Like." There could be a sub-list for "Stuff White People Who Do Not Go To NASCAR, Hoedowns, or Square Dances Like."

Merry Holiday! And love the honeymoon pics :o)

K. said...

I'm actually a dancer, and let me just say, that even in high school, when my drill team has our shows, I can't stand the audience. In the middle of dances people will shout out to the dancers and it's the most aggravating thing on earth. It is no ballet, but even we have to have concentration on our dances. Especially modern.

So yeahhhhh. I feel your pain!

ALEX IN CAPS said...

next time just bring those plastic clappers you get at circuses and have dave stuff his coat pockets with beer like the bud light commercial so you two fit in a little better.

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