Obligatory resolution post

I never make New Year's resolutions because I know myself and I know I won't keep them. Sure, we're all bright-eyed and optimistic in January, but once our routines settle back in and the relentless winter chill crushes our souls, well, "turning over a new leaf" just doesn't have priority anymore.

That's why the best resolutions are simple and the best expectations are low. Here's what I'm going with for 2011:

Get back in shape.
Duh. We all say it. But here's my plan to make it happen:

• Limit the after-work beer drinking to once a week. Well, maybe twice is okay.
  
• Drink more water instead of waddling over to the vending machine, post-lunch.
• Actually use the damn recumbent bike I bought. Let's shoot for 3 times a week.
  
• Do pilates again 3 times a week.
  

We'll see how long this holds and if my vanity is enough of a motivator to keep me from the booze.

Read more books.
With a new iPad, a Kindle account and a love for Tess Gerritsen, I'm already halfway through one of her most popular books (The Bone Garden). So, basically, I'll finish it in January and I will have already accomplished this resolution, since the number of books I read last year hovered around, um, zero. SUCCESS.

Stop being (as much of) a mean girl.
When you're 20, you can get away with being a little snippy, sarcastic and blunt because you're cute and everyone just calls you "sassy." But when you're almost 30, it reeks of insecurity. Sooo, I'm going to try to scale back the judgments, pop my anti-crazy pills and settle for an eye roll rather than an obnoxious tirade. Unless, of course, someone fucks with my dog. Then I will just shank you.

Stop being scared of the kitchen.
After setting myself on fire, my time in the kitchen has been... limited. Eh, who are we kidding? It was limited before that incident too. But, with my job ending around May and my plans to take time off, I'm going to tip-toe back into the world of recipes and ovens. Specifically, I want to make a kick-ass pasta sauce. In a home with two Italians and a family tree whose recent roots are grounded in Torino, it's downright embarrassing that our sauce comes from a jar.

Foster a dog... or six.
After adopting Rocco through One Tail at a Time, donating dog food and money to the group, and attending every event they hold, I really, really want to become a foster mom for OTAT. They're a shelterless rescue, so they can only take in dogs when they have foster homes lined up. Breaks my heart to hear about the dogs -- esp pit bulls -- that will be put down unless a foster home surfaces. We'll just have to see if Roc can handle it without pissing all over my apartment.

I think that's ambitious enough. If you have any tips, tricks or secrets for how to actually stick with these things, let me know. Otherwise, have a safe and happy New Year and drink your face off before the January 1 cleansing phase begins. Cheers!