Monday, September 29, 2008

The streak continues

Tonight I was halfway through a TiVo'd episode of Desperate Housewives when our apartment phone rang. I had expected it to be my mom, but the caller ID said it was our doorman. Odd. Since it was almost 9pm, I figured he was calling by mistake to tell us that "our" Chinese food had arrived or something. At which point I would have said, ya know, send him up.

But instead, a man who spoke shoddy English told me that I had a letter waiting for me downstairs.

A letter? Did you mean "package?" No? Well, if it's just a letter then put it in my damn mailbox, man!

But, no, he seemed very concerned that I come down and get it now. So I agreed and immediately got a bad feeling.

Since I watch way too many crime shows, I just KNEW this was a set-up and that he was going to kidnap me in the lobby of our busy highrise. I knew it. I told Dave to call the police if I wasn't back in five minutes. I grabbed my phone and hopped in the elevator.

When I got to the front desk, I saw a maintenance man behind the desk instead of our doorman with an ominous-looking tall man in a red jacket waiting for me.

Dammit, I knew I should have brought my mace!

Instead of kidnapping me, the man in red asked if I was Elle.

"Um, yes," I answered.

"From apartment 34xx?"

"Yes, you just called me down here for a letter...?"

"And you're with Dave?"

Oh, for the love of God. "Yes," I said, exasperated.

"Oh, okay, I was confused," he said. Clearly. "Here, this is for you."

He handed me a letter with our first (not last) names on it. I was going to snatch it and run upstairs, but he didn't seem to want me to leave without explaining the letter.

He said, "Now, in there, that's everything you need to know..."

"Uh, okay."

He stared. "Did she not tell you what was going on?"

"I have NO idea who or what you're talking about," I said. Am I supposed to open this letter in front of him? Am I not? What the hell is going on?

"Oohh," he said. "Okay... well...."

My stomach tightened.

"Your owner is selling the unit."

WHAT THE FUCK. I haven't even been here for a year! I move every single fucking year! Every year for the past 5 years! I had finally found a great building in a good location with a pool, balcony, tons of closet space, new appliances -- my mecca.

"Now," he continued, "the good news is that the terms of your lease are still in place."

Now it was my turn to stare. What does that even mean?

"Yeah, okay, when do I have to move?" I demanded.

"Well, the terms of your lease are still in place."

I turned my stare to a glare. I folded my arms.

He stumbled, "Um, so, um, when did you move in?"

"January," I answered flatly.

"Oh, well, realistically, I don't think the unit will sell before then, so I would say by January."

That's right, folks. My condo owners have already put my apartment on the market. They are selling it for DIRT CHEAP and even had the audacity to write "must sell fast!" on the listing. I might have 3 months to move, I might have 3 weeks.

I took the real estate agent/dream crusher's card and took my stupid letter upstairs. Dave immediately started cursing. I immediately emailed our building's leasing agent asking about the next available units and called my ex-real estate agent mom to discuss exactly how much of an asshole I'm allowed to be without getting sued (more than you'd think... watch out). And then I scoured Craig's List and emailed about 10 different people about their buildings.

Talk about bad timing. We just spent a shit-ton on money on the honeymoon, we were FINALLY getting a break from wedding-related chaos, we had just bought a few new pieces of large furniture, we were looking forward to getting settled. Instead, we'll have to spend more money moving, dive head-first into moving-related chaos, sell some furniture if we have to downgrade our apt size and do anything EXCEPT get settled.

I am SO drinking tomorrow.

17 comments:

Dan said...

I wish my love would help

**Melissa** said...

WOW. That really sucks, I used to move every six months and completely HATED it. I hate packing! Maybe it's time for you guys to buy a condo of your own! I thought we couldn't afford one, but we checked it out and we bought ours on May! Good luck :-)

Alexandreena said...

That is horrible! I jsut moved and I hope I don't have to do that again for a long time! Expensive and stressy!

Nilsa S. said...

I'm pretty sure (not totally positive) that in selling your apartment, the new owners have to let you live out the terms of your lease (i.e., they can't make you leave before January)? I dunno - check it out.

Also? If it makes you feel better, this probably isn't the best time to put a condo on the market. In case the owners of your place didn't notice, the market dropped almost 800 points yesterday. And mortgage lending is TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT.

So, don't get too up in arms. Not yet at least.

The BAMF said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Marie said...

Many foul words are running through my head at the moment and I would prefer not to write them here, but there must be something you blast at these people. And as Nilsa said, not a good time for them to sell. AT. ALL. Idiots.

BloodRedRoses said...

Holy hell that is HORRIBLE. I really hope you can do something about it... without getting sued :)

I agree with what people have been posting... they do indeed sound like idiots. Big ones.

Keep us posted!

Dan said...

I talked to Alex last night and I stupidly said, "i thought they had until January not 3 months" He replied, "January is 3 months"

I kinda was in the mood for it to be May or something and you guys have 10 months.

If it helps, you are both still pretty.

Allison said...

Oh no that's terrible news. Creepy man! I would have wanted to punch him and the condo owners in the face.

RebeccaC said...

Bright side: Think of how much worse this would seem if that letter had arrived 3 weeks ago! (give me a break, I'm trying here)

elle michelle said...

Dan: It always does. :-)

Melissa: Packing is the WORST. I wish we could still afford this place! After the taxes, insurance and assessment fees, the monthly cost is way out of my league. As in, I could own a 4,500 sq ft home in Tennessee for this price!

Alexandreena: Very expensive, very stressy. I hope you don't have to move either!

Nilsa: That does make me feel better actually! Anything that would be bad for them makes me feel better at this point.

Marie: When foul words run through my head, I let them out. I need to practice some restraint!

Bloodredroses: I will for SURE keep you posted.

Dan: Alex better hope we find another huge apartment so he has a place to stay in the spring!

Allison: I totally wanted to punch him. I think he knew that, somehow...

Rebecca: I DID think of that and you are totally right. I would have flipped my shit if this happened during the wedding. I still need people to remind me of the bright side sometimes. ;-)

The Alleged Ringleader said...

OMFG that is SO NOT FAIR! I can't even imagine! I HATE MOVING!

hautepocket said...

"WHAT. THE. FUCK." is right. I would start drinking instantly. This exact thing happened to me about a year ago (minus the creepy messenger.) Good luck. I feel your pain, because it totally fucking blows.

theycallmecurlysue said...

Oh dear mother of God! That's no even fair. I hate moving. I loath it. I feel your pain. I moved every six to seven months for two years and looks like, after being in one place finally for two years, I have to move again. AGH!

Bayjb said...

Oh. My. Gosh. The same thing happened to me. At least you got notice. I got a f*cking e-mail telling me it was sold and that was it. No notice or warning. Let's tie them to a stake!

elle michelle said...

Ringleader: NOT FAIR AT ALL.

HP: Definitely started drinking, though not immediately. Dave was into cursing more than drinking, I was into both. Go figure.

Curly Sue: Ugh, what bullshit!

Bayjb: WOW, that is LOW. I'll take your people to the stake! Mine are idiots, but yours were complete assholes!!

Aunt Becky said...

Want to punch people in the face now. No one messes with my friend and gets away with it.

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