Life lessons

This may shock you, but I make a fair amount of mistakes. Just... ya know... in life.

Of course, we all learn from our mistakes and blah blah blah, so that's good, I guess. But what's even better is that I'm sharing what I've learned from my mishaps so you don't end up in the same shit situations I've been in. Hooray!


Renting a car

• Inspect the car all the way around as soon as you get it! Otherwise, the unsavory rental jerks will give you an Infiniti with a scratched bumper and try to pin it on you when you get back. I'M NOT PAYING YOU SHIT.
  

Cooking dinner

• NEVER stand over a gas stove while wearing a dress
• Never put your spices above your stove
• When in doubt, add garlic. And cheese.
  

Preparing a resume

• Every time you do something badass at your current job, write it down. Write down numbers, money you brought in, site traffic you drove, etc. This will help tremendously in case you get shit-canned unexpectedly and need a new gig.
  

Planning a wedding

• Drink a lot of wine
• Don't try to please everyone
• Chill the fuck out; it's one day
  
• Read all of these tips that no one tells you

Working with an (or multiple) idiots

• Drink a lot of wine
• Don't try to please everyone
• Chill the fuck out; it's just a job
  

Getting a puppy

• If it doesn't feel right, don't get the dog. Don't. Dave and I did this once 4 years ago (long story) and it didn't end well.
  
• Consider adoption. I said I'd never adopt because I wouldn't know the dog's background and I wanted to raise a puppy from the beginning. But, I quickly realized adoption allows you to bypass the (literally) shitty puppy issues, spend far less money and save a life in the process.
  

Helping a friend

• When your clumsy friend/boss takes a spill on a busy sidewalk, don't make a big deal out of it. Just pick her up, brush her off and keep on going with hardly a break in the conversation. She'll thank you.

Freelance writing

• Subscribe to Freelance Daily
• Build your own website to house your portfolio
• Steer clear of bidding sites like Elance, where your rates are more important than quality work
• Don't suck at writing
  

Sewing

• Get cheap, cute fabric from Fabric.com
• Always, always, always order a swatch first, otherwise you might be stuck with 15 yards of pea-green drapes that you've stuffed into the corner of your dining room
  
• Make your own Roman shades with these instructions
• Be friends with Suzanne

Moving

• Pay movers. Seriously, it's worth it. (If you're in Chicago, we loved, loved, loved Movetastic.)
• Do not pack boxes when you're drunk
• Do not move to an apartment with a Whole Foods in the building unless you want to flirt with being broke and fat
  

That's all I've got.