Jet Lag: 1, Me: 0

Apparently, my body chose not to adjust to Central Standard Time this past weekend.

Saturday night, I got into bed around 12:30am and assumed I'd magically fall asleep, despite the 30 hours of travel across God-know-how-many timezones. I watched some TV and decided to give sleep a try around 2am. TV off. Room silent. Darkness all around.

But no.

At 3am, I started getting restless. Here is a list of things I was tempted to do at this hour:

-- Brave the bums and murders, go to Walgreens and buy some Sleep II
-- Bust open the fridge and drink beers until I pass out
-- Wake Dave so I could have someone to commiserate with
-- Crawl out of bed, onto my computer to catch up on Dlisted
-- Shower, since I still felt the stink of international travel
-- Clean my apartment (!)
-- Listen to the voicemails I have amassed
-- Play Mario on my DS, even though I suck and the frustration would prob keep me awake
-- Down some Nyquil and just suffer the loopy consequences in the AM

Instead of doing any of that, I managed to find the remote in the dark and turned on the TV in a feeble attempt to lull myself to sleep. During my fumbling, I accidentally give 3 green thumbs up to a show called Assy McGee when I tried to change the channel. Sigh.

Side note: There's apparently a school called Universal Technical Institute out there. UTI. Their slogan was "UTI's the answer." Not if you've ever had one, buddy. Not if you've ever had one.

Anyway, at 4am, I was simply neurotic. I could have SWORN I still had one last dose of Sleep II around the apartment somewhere, so I woke up and stormed around looking for it. I flung open drawers, rummaged through cabinets, tore through my suitcases... nothing.

About 15 minutes into this total breakdown, Dave came out of the bedroom wearing shoes and fully clothed. He grabbed his bike and mumbled, "I'm just gonna go to Walgreens and get you this shit because you'll make me miserable if you don't get it."

"NO, there are murderers out there!"

"I'd rather deal with them than you."

With that, he left and returned with the biggest bottle of Sleep II they had. I finally fell asleep around 5am.

In related news, keep an eye out for me on Intervention.

From footwear to furniture...

I usually only post about the shoes I'm currently obsessed with, but nope. Not this time.

I assumed my next post would be wedding-related, but because I'm still mildly cracked out from jet lag, I'm gonna completely switch gears and show you the new furniture we're buying this week.

(Side note: It's OUTRAGEOUS that I'm not allowed to spend all of our wedding money on shoes/handbags, no?)

Couch to replace our sectional.

Chair to add to the mix, but in this celadon swatch:

Bookcase to go behind the couch, in a richer espresso color.

New dresser (with mirror) to replace the hand-me-down that's literally older than I am.

Of course, all of this will require us to clean up our place and rearrange a few things... But it looks like I'm finally going to have a grown-up apartment! PEACE OUT, cheap post-college shit.

Who will come over and help me decorate?? Jessi, I'm talking to you.

I'm baaaack -- Wedding Part 1

The wedding is OVER.

Thank God. Don't get me wrong -- it was a blast. But I am so, so glad that it's finally done.

You may have already seen some wedding pictures on angilio and TKTC (and Facebook, if you're one of my true stalkers), but in case you haven't, I'm going to recap the weekend's events.

It's almost like I'm forcing you to sit down and watch uncomfortably as I roll through footage of my family vacations in which you know no one and, instead of paying real attention, you power through your gin & tonic hoping it will make the viewing less tedious. Strap yourselves in, kids. This is going to be a sloppy, drunken ride. For all of us.

PART ONE: REHEARSAL & REHEARSAL DINNER

Those are a lot of fucking chairs. This does not help lessen my anxiety.

Dave, you talk. I'll just prop myself up over here. Is it drinky time yet?

Hold Grandma up down the aisle, Brother. You know she's probably blitzed already.

Check out that swagger from my BFF/Bridesmaid Ryan.

I know how you feel, kid. Just run like the dickens. It's a short aisle.

See? We can be cute.

The maturity of my sister: She opts for bunny ears instead of the middle finger.

Oh, heeeey, drunkie.

Me with Uncle Assclown. I'm listening to Gwen's advice and smiling my ass off. No. Matter. What.

Hey, here's a good idea: After drinking at the dinner, let's all go out to another BAR.

Gimme.

I'll leave you with that. Stay tuned...

Wanna see something hilarious?

Back when Dave and I got engaged, we created a page on TheKnot.com.

It's hilarious.

It's also has the wrong date, but WHATEVS. Details, right?

Since I don't feel like giving out our full names, I'll copy and paste the shit we had up there.

ABOUT [elle]

[elle] is an editor, a former gymnast, a smartass and a shopaholic. She does not like writing in the third person.

ABOUT DAVE

CHEMISTRY, DAVE!

Dave was so excited after getting engaged, he got drunk and posted it on Facebook before we called anyone. There were some angry Facebookers because of that... Then he got even more excited and partially created this page, everything about the proposal.

HOW WE MET

We went to college together at [college], though Dave is a year older than me. We had theology together during his senior year, where Dave participated in class discussion and I showed up hungover in a baseball cap every week. We talked throughout the year, and I wanted to date him. I dropped subtle hints and acted flirty. Problem was, Dave didn't get it. I dropped less subtle hints. I finally had to corner him in a bar (literally) and make him ask me out. We started dating in 2004, moved in together in 2005, moved to Chicago together in 2006, and here we are for the next 4 years while Dave finishes his PhD in Chemistry from [awesome Chicago school].

WHEN WE GOT ENGAGED

January 19, 2007

HOW IT HAPPENED

Since [elle] had been waiting so long for me to ask her, I had to surprise her. Any attempt at a build-up would have been noticed from a mile away. So, I went home early from work and got everything ready. I got a bouquet of calla lilies and other white flowers, some champagne, and the ring. When she walked into the darkened apartment, the flowers and the ring were sitting on the counter, surrounded by candles. The rest, well, is history!

What Dave doesn't mention in his section of the proposal is how I told him I was coming home from work, but then didn't. I was finishing some shit in the office and neglected to tell him that after I signed offline, so he hung around in a dark apartment for about half a hour longer than he thought. Oopsie, Dave.

I truly did have to corner him in a bar to make him ask me out, though. Maybe I'll tell that whole story some other time.

Fun page, though, huh?

Sorry, I'm totally drunk right now.

(And WILL BE for the next two days, hopefully.)

Omg wtf holy shit

Where have I been lately?

Just a little place called Two Days Until My Effing Wedding. It's sandwiched between When the Hell is He Going to Propose and Why Does Everyone Keep Asking Me About Babies.

I have been a bit of a hot mess this week. Had my last day of work on Tuesday and have been going nonstop ever since. Putting favors together, getting programs printed (THANKS ANG!), getting a mani/pedi, leaving my super nice umbrella in the fucking cab, talking to the wedding party about details, coordinating things with the hotel, getting my dress pressed... The list goes on and on, and it's pretty mundane shit, so I won't bore you with details.

Our families got in town last night, so we've been hanging out since then. I've also been hitting the bottle nonstop too, which is nice because my dad's the exact same way. And my grandma, if you remember.

At least the weather's supposed to be nice this weekend! Of course, we were going to take some pictures at North Ave. Beach, but the Redbull Flutag is there at the *exact* time we're supposed to be. We might just say "fuck it" and go there anyway.

It's funny, when it gets close enough to the wedding, I just start adopting an attitude of "fuck it, who cares" for everything. Oh, I ordered the wrong size top for my mom as part of her gifts? Fuck it, she likes oversized men's clothes anyway. My rehearsal dinner dress is wrinkly because I balled it up in a bag for a week? Fuck it, Downey Wrinkle Releaser will do the trick. Five guests cancelled after we turned in our final numbers? Fuck it, I'm not updating the seating chart and someone will eat the extra food. Our wedding coordinator is still on a leave of absence and is out of the country? Fuck it, the new planner they give us will be just fine.

After 4.5 years of dating, 3.5 years of living together, a 20-month engagement and more retarded hassles I can count, this wedding has been a long time coming. It's finally here. Let's do this.


If I don't talk to you all between now and the honeymoon (AUSTRALIA), then I'll write some sort of profound recap at the end of September when I return. Swear.

Creepiest search to date

Thought I was creepy?

This is one of the recent searches that led someone to me:




Really? REALLY?

I'd love to say something unbelievably obnoxious right now, but as a general rule, I try not to fuck with the crazies. Suffice to say that I am beyond disturbed.

How MESSED UP is that? Do you guys get searches this creepy?

Blog Day 2008

Okay, so I almost forgot about Blog Day. I suck. Good thing the rest of you were on top of it and reminded me with your own Blog Day posts. It's cool though -- better late than never, right? RIGHT?

BlogDay was created with the belief that bloggers should have one day dedicated to getting to know other bloggers from other countries and areas of interest. On that day Bloggers will recommend other blogs to their blog visitors. With the goal in mind, on this day every blogger will post a recommendation of 5 new blogs. This way, all blog readers will find themselves leaping around and discovering new, previously unknown blogs.


Now, let me start this by saying that my usual list of favorites isn't here. Those include angilio, Wild ARS Chase, To Kiss the Cook, haute.pocket, Surviving Myself, She's Got Baggage and Alice in Average-Land, to name just a few.

For Blog Day, I decided to feature bloggers that probably have no idea who I am or how I found them. I read them consistently, I laugh nearly every time, I often lurk instead of comment. Yep, I'm one of those creepers. So when these folks get the "hey I featured you" email, they're gonna be like, "What the fuck is an 'elle michelle'?"

Whatevs! I love these bloggers even if they don't know/love me. Even if that makes me a stalker.


The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy
J-Money's incredibly well-written blog is one of my absolute favorites. She's self-deprecating, hilarious and totally relatable. If you like reading about Hugh Laurie fantasies (hers), human incompetence (theirs) and everything in between, put this blog in your reader NOW.

Mommy Wants Vodka
I don't have kids, but I do like vodka, so this blog is actually much more up my alley than you'd think. Aunt Becky's caustic wit is addictive. She's no brownie-baking-soccer-mom, and that's a good thing. She's young. She's real. She's funny. She's also pregnant again, so I don't think she's as drunk as she usually is -- and she's still entertaining. Wish I had that talent.

Lots Better Than Your Blog
I don't care who you are, that title rings true. Falwless is the queen of sarcasm and her blog is awesome. She can be super blunt, but that intensity is why her writing is so great. Whether she's paying homage to her middle school lover or she's giving thumbs up to the homeless, this chick is definitely one of a kind.

A Martini Always Helps
This is one of my more recent finds, but I love it already. She writes about random shit -- like how her dog gets so scared of thunder that he rearranges the shoes in her closet, and how she got loaded on margaritas for breakfast and went on a shopping spree -- but a majority of it can be brought back to drinking, shopping, shoes and dating. What's not to like?

Everything I Like Causes Cancer
Another one of my recent finds, on which I have never commented. Gwen is a blogger from my beloved STL, and if you like this post, you'll probably like the rest of her blog.


Enjoy!