Friday, January 2, 2009

My first confrontation of 2009

Well, folks, safe to say that I started off the new year with a fight with a creepy man who I wanted to strangle with my bare hands.

After arriving home around 3am with my brother and Dave, we hopped into a crowded elevator in my building. In there was a group a Indian girls, a lone girl, a super creepy guy and us. As soon as the doors closed, the creepy guy, who I will now refer to as Fucktard, made the Nazi gesture over an Indian girl's head.

You've GOT to be kidding me, I thought. HELL NO. I might only be a half Jew but I was 1000% offended and wanted him to know it.

I completely turned my body to him and shot daggers at him. It was the shittiest, most evil look I could muster. (As I'm someone who gives shitty looks on a daily basis with little to no effort, you can imagine how brutal this one was.)

Apparently, Fucktard noticed. Just before the group of girls got off the elevator, Fucktard sways a bit and slurs, "Whahy is eyyyone so pisssssed? I've nee'er seen such pissed people."

Dave, oblivious to the antisemitism (and my "I WILL KILL YOU" glare) says, "No one's pissed here, man."

I elbowed him.

Fucktard continued, "Nu uh. You're pissssed and she's DEFINITELY pissed." Me.

I said, "YEAH I am," as I continued my glare. I also muttered "asshole" under my breath.

Fucktard rolled his eyes. By this time, a group had gotten off the elevator so it was only us and the lone girl. She was wearing a super short dress and Fucktard noticed.

"Oooohhh, heeeey," he said, eerily. "What's thaaat? I liiiike that."

The girl smiled nervously as we exchanged glances.

"Whaaat, man?" Fucktard said to Dave, for absolutely no reason.

"Nothing," Dave said, still oblivious. "I'm not mad."

"Well I AM," I blurted out. "This is fucking bullshit, this guy!! I mean, what the fuck?"

Thank you, the girl mouthed to me.

The elevator doors opened and Fucktard got off with all of us. The girl hurried to the apartment she was visiting and knocked frantically. My brother and Dave kept walking past her, but I stopped and waited with her because Fucktard was lingering behind her very creepily.

"Elle," Dave said. "What are you doing?"

"This guy is being a fucking creepy asshole so I want to make sure this girl gets in to the apartment okay," I said.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," the girl said, as the door opened and she ran inside.

I turned to go back to my place with Fucktard right behind me.

Dave said, "Get the fuck outta here man, you don't live here. You need to go back down that elevator and leave NOW."

We walked up to my door and Fucktard rolled his eyes again. "Can I at least come in to pee?"


"NO!" Dave said.

"FUCK THIS," I said. "Dude, I'm calling security. You're a creepy fucking bastard and you don't belong here."

"That was my girlfriend," he mumbled, as I grabbed the phone.

"Give me the phone," Dave said to me. I did and we shut our door.

Security asked for a description of Fucktard, so Dave opened the door again only to find this moron trying to get into another apartment! He was jiggling the handle and, of course, looking creepy.

"He's got a red and black striped collared shirt on," Dave said, "he's about 5'11" and he's kinda balding."

"Um, and he looks pregnant with his huge ass gut," I added, but Dave chose not to relay that piece of information.

By the time security arrived, the guy was gone. I have no idea where he went or what happened to him, but I was definitely shaken up. I never would have mouthed off like that if Dave and my brother hadn't been around, but I'm glad I got the chance to.

Dear god, I hope this doesn't set the tone for 2009.


ananyah said...

that was really brave, dont think I would ever stand up to an ass like that!

hope he crawls back under the stone he came from!

& it's a good thing you waited with that girl, you never know what could have happened

Rachel said...

Stick your hand in the air;


You just got high fived!

rachel said...

what a way to ring in the new year. i'm sooo glad you waited for that girl, i've been on the receiving end of asshats like that (as i'm sure you have) and was so relieved when someone came to my rescue. what a scumbag. xoxo

Audrey said...

The best part of the story is how often you call him a fucktard. Seriously, there is no better name for that man.
Dave is such a good handled it like champs. Did you tell security guy that the creepy dude would probably answer to the name, "Fucktard". Seriously props to you girl! So so so glad you were not alone in that elevator!!

Marie said...

Oh my god that's so scary! I'm just happy neither you nor the girl nor anyone else was hurt. It's such a good thing you waited for that girl to get in. Not many people would do that.

Andy said...

I know other people are saying this was scary, but I thought it was hilarious (since no one was hurt). I can imagine the whole thing. And I can imagine there's a 50/50 shot my life will go to hell and I'll be on that elevator one day, minus the racism.

Anonymous said...

ehh that freaks me out. creepy ass dudes wandering around buildings trying to open doors and following girls....i would have definitely appreciated that if i were with you. way to go.

TKTC said...

I love you for this and so many other reasons. But this relates to several of the higher ranking them. That guy...what a fuck-up.

Brick Cedar said...

Elle > Fucktard.

elle michelle said...

Ananyah: Brave or stupid? I wouldn't have been half as bold if I were alone, that's for sure.

Rachel: Woo hoo!

Rachel: Yeah, I didn't even really think about it, I just reacted.

Audrey: SO glad I wasn't alone in the elevator!! Could have been a very different story...

Marie: Guess my feisty/aggressive attitude pays off every once in a while. :-)

Andy: That's the difference between guys and girls. My bro and Dave didn't quite catch on as quickly as I did, but we women have learned to be extra paranoid. (Or is that just me?)

Debutante: Completely freaky.

TKTC: He's lucky I didn't have my pepper spray. I was enraged enough to blind that little fucker if I could've gotten my hands on it.

Brick Cedar: I win!

kilax said...

Oh my gosh. I am so happy you were with a group of people, and had the courage to say something. What is wrong with people? Ugh.

Aunt Becky said...

Damn, girl! That's wild.

elle michelle said...

Kilax: Glad is an understatement!

Aunt Becky: Yeah, I don't eff around when I've been drinking vodka.

Life in a Cube said...

Kudos to you for stay with that girl...that is some scary shit!

The Alleged Ringleader said...

You go girl!

Anonymous said...

Hey as far as I'm concerned you started off 2009 by doing a very good thing. What an asshole.

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