A rare dose of vulnerability

I'm over here tonight.

A heavier post for this blog, but it's a post nonetheless. Maybe read it when you're drunk. Either way, read it while you can, since I might remove this later when I'm not in such a somber mood.

Annoying wife tendency?

Last night, Dave and I went out to Wicker Park for dinner with his buddy from high school. I'd never met the guy before, but I figured everything would be friendly enough, we'd have some laughs and that would be that. I imagined this obligatory wife-meeting evening would end pleasantly with me saying, "Well, it was nice to meet you," with undertones of, "We probably won't be seeing too much of each other since you're my husband's friend and I force him to hang out with my friends way more than we hang out with his."

Instead, dinner turned into drinks at Cans and drinks turned into a late night where we stumbled home at 3am and I couldn't stop gushing about the guy.

He was cute, hilarious, genuine, kind, laid-back, smart, fun and generous. He's got a good job, a stable personal life and managed to strike a great balance between listening and talking. He doesn't seem to have any crazy baggage or creepy-guy tendencies, as evidenced by the fact that he didn't leer at women at Cans or turn into a New Haircut when drunk.

So, when Dave's friend left to use the bathroom at one point, I immediately turned to Dave and said, "I love him. Who could we set him up with?"

"Stop it," Dave said, rolling his eyes.

"No! Come on! He would be great for someone."

"Okay, you're doing that really annoying thing that married couples do to their single friends and you've gotta chill out."


Oh my God, am I THAT WIFE?

I was just so excited to see one of Dave's friends who I'd happily introduce to my girlfriends without spouting off disclaimers or warnings. Is it really fair to hide him from them? I mean, what's the harm in all of us going out and seeing if he has a connection with someone I know?

None, right?

Right, which is why I have decided we will be calling this guy to hang out when Audrey comes in town in March. He already knows her and is already a fan! :-) The whole Cleveland-Chicago thing kinda puts a damper on future date nights they'd have, but they could have a good time for a weekend at least.

Aaand I'm starting to think that my last statement might make me more of a pimp than an annoying wife, which, frankly, isn't much better...

Sigh. Good Intention Fail.

How I spent my Super Bowl

Making connections between the teams and their celebrity look-a-like counterparts.

Mike Tomlin & Omar Epps

Ken Whisenhunt & Apollo 13 Ed Harris

Hmmm, maybe the champagne really made the connections for me... All attractive men though. Can't say I complained much while watching this game.

How others define me

On J's Tumblr this morning, I saw that she shared one of those astrology pieces that define each person's philosophies, character and personality by their signs. I love being put into a neatly define little box like that (or I just love destroying them), so I couldn't help but indulge.

As a December 20 baby, I'm technically a Sagittarius, but I'm on the cusp of being a Capricorn. This means I read both analyses and pick the one I like better.



The Sagittarian Woman

Sagittarian women are friendly, sociable, and outgoing.
Yes. Mostly because I drink a lot, but it's kinda true nonetheless.

They have a reputation for being blunt speakers who don't worry how their opinions will be received.
Completely. Even though I'm well aware that being "blunt" is almost always code word for "bitch." Thanks for that.

Like their male counterparts, Sagittarian women love to travel and are curious about other cultures.
Not so much. It REALLY depends on where we're going (beachy and alcohol-y) and if I can fly first class (unlikely).

Like other fire-sign females, they are not afraid to take risks.
Since my first instinct here was, "Define risks," I think I just answered a resounding NO to this one as well.

Sagittarian women are often tall and svelte, though they have a tendency to put on weight in middle age.
Tall!? Did you just laugh as much as I did? Not laughing so much at the middle-age weight gain thing, though. I don't think I want to be a Sagittarius.

They have a fashion style all their own.
This makes me think of the time my mom showed up to my gymnastics place dressed in full-on camo gear. For no reason! WTF is wrong with her? Since that's my frame of reference for unique "style," I feel like this could be either a good or bad statement.



Well, I'm not loving the Sagittarius classification. Capricorn? Your turn. (Andy, pay attention.)



The Capricorn Woman

Capricorn women have a cool, standoffish charm.
Wait, my standoffish-ness is still charming? Win!

Elegant and glacial, they may seem unapproachable.
Okay, we get it, we're aloof.

Actually, this is a mask to hide their vulnerability.
Nu uh! I'm totally a hardass all the time and I don't feel any ounce of vulnerability! (You guys like me, right?)

Capricorn individuals are afraid of "losing face."
Sigh. Agreed.

They fear criticism and can't abide being forced to be self-critical.
I don't so much "fear it" as much as I sometimes "want to slap someone because of it."

This woman is competitive, though she is usually more interested in besting her own efforts than those of rivals.
I'm super competitive. Unless I'm playing Kart with Jay and Billy. (Which is to say, I at least know my own limits.)

If she is not involved in an outside career, she will turn her home into a career.
Oh, I'm sure I would. When I freelanced for a year and worked from home, I was so miserable that I turned into creepy domestic lady who started making dinner at 3pm.

She is a good, if overly strict, mother and expects the best from her children.
Sounds like that's how I would be. Of course, I'm still not totally sold on the idea of kids, but if I were, I bet I'd totally set up unreasonable expectations for them and strictly punish them when they forget to put two olives in my vodka. GO TO YOUR ROOM.


Well, what about you?

Aries
Taurus
Gemini
Cancer
Leo
Virgo
Libra
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Capricorn
Aquarius
Pisces

Australia Honeymoon, Part 3

Almost forgot about this! Here are parts 1 and 2.

Arriving at our room in Port Douglas.

View from our little balcony

First things first: go swimming

Then: snorkel the Great Barrier Reef!

Perfection

They gave us noodles so we could just float and relax.

Dave looked hilarious but quickly ditched his noodle because HE'S A MAN.

I snorkeled at two of the stops, but sunbathed during one of them.

A little overcast, but still awesome

Dave lost his underwater camera at the bottom of the reef almost instantly, so here are my pics.

I don't know what half this shit is.

The biggest fish I'd ever seen. He was as big as me!!

Coral

More

More

Dave accidentally locked our wedding bands in the safe and couldn't open it.

Beach by our resort

How badly do you want to be there right now?

Ahhh, a day at the beach.

Now that I've thoroughly depressed myself and the rest of you who are freezing your asses off this winter, it's time to get back to the real world. Those are the last of the honeymoon pics, so I'm officially out of ways to make you jealous.

Making a difference through oatmeal

As several of you know (because I wouldn't stop whining about it), I was sick not too long ago. I'll spare you the details, but it was gross.

I'd doped myself up on Nyquil, Tylenol and Sudafed, so while my coherence was at a minimum, at least my symptoms were as well.

Of course, when I took my meds on that first morning of misery, I started to feel a little queasy.

"Ugh, my stomach is messed up," I mumbled to Ang. "Am I supposed to eat when I take meds?"

"Yes," Ang said. "I'm guessing you didn't."

"Nah, I don't like breakfast." (I know, I know. BAD ELLE.)

"Here. I have oatmeal."

Now there's something I haven't eaten in a while. Or talked about, even. So you can imagine my surprise when I got an IM the very next day from my Wicker Park favorites that said, "Hey, how do you feel about oatmeal?"

Really, universe?

This fav of mine let me in on Quaker's new project to raise money and awareness about the national hunger charity, Share Our Strength. She asked me if I'd mind blogging about it and asking you guys to participate with me.

Here's the idea:

1. Go check out Quaker's Facebook page and become a fan.
   
2. Download and print out a picture of the Quaker man.
3. Take a picture of yourself in your home with the Quaker man and post it on the Facebook page.
4. Send me the link in my comments section in the next 24 hours.
   

What's in it for you? Aside from entertaining yourself on a Monday, you could also win one of two Quaker coupons I get to give away, each good for $1.00 off any two Quaker products. And if you guys really get into this and make me the blogger that generates the most submissions in a 24-hour period, I win a $5,000 donation to the hunger charity of my choice. (I'm told I cannot pick "my own kitchen," so don't worry -- the money goes somewhere legit.)

Aaaaanyway, even if you're not gonna grace us with a photo of your smiling face, at least check out the Facebook group and pass the link along so others can be aware of this good cause. Thanks for your help!

Twits

I'm in a weird mood right now, so I figured I'd whine about some of the twits on Twitter. These are the people I simply don't have the patience for. I'm not pointing to anyone specific; actually it's more of a categorization. So, even though this has been done before by others, here's my list of Twitterers to avoid.


The mundane
You ate another turkey sandwich for lunch again, huh? Oh, you took the mayo off this time? It's because you RAN OUT of mayo?! Good god, man, this is getting intense! ...Or it's getting really, really boring. I can never remember which. To save myself the trouble of sorting through these thoughts, I'm just going to stop following you. Problem solved.

The oversharer
Sometimes people get just too personal on Twitter. We're talking bodily fluids or drunken daily parenting fails. Sometimes is fine, but when we're constantly hearing about your life's very intimate details, it feels like you totally thrust our relationship to a whole new level without seeing if I was comfortable first. I wasn't. And the worst part about the oversharer is that after he puts it all out there like that, he'll actually get mad when someone responds. "WTF, mind your own business and keep those thoughts to yourself!" You first.

The drama queen
The drama queen will fly off the handle about something minor and will MAKE SURE TWITTER KNOWS IT EVERY SINGLE TIME. There's a heavy use of CAPS lock, exclamation points, "omg" references, etc. Sometimes the drama queen puts herself into situations where it's obviously going to end badly, and then she bitches or whines when it actually does. It's draining and exhausting to keep up with this type, since every tweet is pretty over the top.

The self promoter
This person focuses solely on the shameless plugging of all sorts of blogs, articles and projects that he/she is working on without giving two shits about what anyone else is doing. I'm not saying it's unacceptable to point to your own stuff (I mean, I do it, so clearly it can't be wrong), but when that's alllll that's happening in those little status updates and you're constantly begging everyone to retweet, well, it gets old.

The narcisist
Similar to the self-promoter, the narcissist doesn't talk so much about what he does as much as how simply awesome/cute/funny/talented/amazing he thinks he is. The tricky thing here is that he won't always come out and directly say how awesome he is; instead, he may tell us a quick story about how someone else thinks he's awesome. Sneaky! He can be hard to spot at first for that reason, but after hearing the fortieth story about how he's practically a god, you start feeling annoyed enough to unfollow.


Okay, end rant. Just so I don't end this on a totally sour note, I've also go a quick list of people who are awesome to follow. My loves:


The hilarious
Funny = I love you. 'Nuff said.

The insider
I love following people who seem to know everything before the rest of us, who share great links and who seem to say something interesting/insightful in nearly every tweet. I have no idea how they do it.

Shaq
Shaq gets his own category. He is by far the absolute best person to follow on Twitter, so if you're not already keeping tabs on him, go follow now. You'll get gems like "Cant sleep after a loss, watchn maury povich, i am not the father schwwwww" and "Twitter me this, twitter me that. Hello to all my twittereans, This is the shaq Love u guys." Best part? He quotes himself constantly. Amazing.