Thursday, August 28, 2008

Labor Day tourists. Oh, joy.

This is going to be a total Debbie Downer post, I can feel it.

Let's start with something positive...

I love Chicago. I love living in the city, I love the weather right now, I love my swimming pool, I love all the amazing restaurants, I love the great shopping, I love that there's so much to do here even if I choose not to do any of it. (I'm lazy.)

I do NOT love that the Today Show just told a million people that Chicago is a great last-minute Labor Day getaway.

Dammit, Viera! I used to like you!

Because I've been so wrapped up in all this wedding crap, I almost forgot that this weekend is a holiday. Holidays in Chicago = Tourists. Tourists = Super slow walking, taking up the entire fucking sidewalk, crowding the train doors, fanny packs, rampant fashion faux pas, conversing with the bums on Michigan Ave., stopping dead in their tracks in the middle of a busy area, crossing the street without an ounce of reason or a glance at the rapidly approaching traffic, etc. All of that = Unhappy Elle.

I know, I'm grouchy. As I sat on the couch and did my makeup this morning (what?), I heard Meredith Viera do a teaser about how they were going to feature great last-minute getaways for Labor Day.

I stiffened. Grouchiness ensued.

"No," I murmered. "No, don't do it. Don't say Chicago."

I refused to move from the couch until this segment was over. After what seemed like forever (I'm lazy AND impatient -- winning combination), it aired, with an editor from Conde Nast Traveler naming her top picks.

"You leave us out of this, Conde Nast," I threatened.

She didn't. She even tried to play off the DNC and said it's a great excuse to visit Barack's hometown. I collapsed back on the couch.

"God dammit!"

I probably punched the couch too. So, I'm a violent Debbie Downer, I guess.

Anyway, thanks for that, Today Show. You couldn't have said New York, huh? Oh, what's that? You don't want your city to be more crowded than it already is? Not interested in weaving through throngs of people as you try to make it to happy hour before the specials are gone? Didn't want tourists taking all the cabs so you're left standing in front of your building as they all whiz by? Couldn't stand the thought of the rest of them crowding the subways? Yeah. Me neither.

So, if you're coming to Chicago this weekend, well, I automatically like you because you read my blog. We should get some wine. But I swear to God, if you walk super slow or crowd the corner of an intersection so no one can get past you, I'm not going to stop you when you inexplicably decide to walk in front of oncoming traffic.

See ya soon! ;-)


Marie said...

You also just described what DC is like for a big portion of the year (spring-fall). No, it's not fun.

Anonymous said...

effing slow walkers.

the one thing i hate about summer in chicago = tourists.

the only thing worse is tourists doing holiday shopping in chicago.

BloodRedRoses said...

I've written a post about people who are idiots and always get in the way.

It's one of my biggest pet peeves... so I feel your pain.

I find a large glass of wine tends to make it better :)

Nilsa S. said...

I see it kinda differently. Being from the east coast and having gone to school in the south, I'm always shocked how many people don't know how great Chicago is. Anytime friends are willing to visit from out of town, I jump at the opportunity to proudly show off my city. And most of those first-time-to-Chicago friends fall in love with this city. You see, cities not worth visiting? Well, they're not worth living in either. So, it's the (IMHO small) price we pay to live in such a fabulous spot.

Having said that, slow walkers should be shot no matter where they're from.

Aunt Becky said...

Dude. So I'm going to take the Metra downtown and ask every person that gets on if "this here train goes to Michigan Ave." Then I will proceed to bitch about the cost of cab fare TO Michigan Ave and wander around asking people to take my picture. Rudely. Be sure to look for me.

Anonymous said...

Oh God. Tourists. Sick. I swear, I almost hate tourists more than homeless people. Was that inappropriate?

P.S. I just faved your ass on Technorati. Woot.

Andy said...

Other than the fact that Haute just said she hates both homeless people and an economic stimulus subgroup, I'll agree that with both of you that tourists are a downer. Of course, I live in central Pa. where tourists are only tourists because they got lost trying to go somewhere else.

elle michelle said...

Marie: I'm sad that you feel my pain.

Pbandrazz: Ugh, don't remind me of holiday shoppers! At least winter is an acceptable time for me to be a recluse.

Bloodredroses: What CAN'T wine make better?

Nilsa: I love showing off the city to my friends, but "tourists" is what I used to describe non-friends who invade. :-) You're right, it is the price we pay!

Aunt Becky: I won't have to look for you. Somehow, your kind always manages to find me.

HP: Nothing is too inappropriate for this blog. (Am I going to regret saying that?)

Andy: I never write "LOL," but I definitely laughed out loud at your comment.

Joy @ Big Time Fancy said...

Lord...I don't plan to be downtown all weekend. And tourists don't normally venture up to my neighborhood. If I'm lucky, I can pretend they don't exist.

So@24 said...

I'm trying my best to visit Chi town at the end of September.

Does that count?? Please don't hate.

So@24 said...

I also pride myself on my speed walking.

The BAMF said...

Note to self: When visiting not anger the residents. =)

You know, its funny...I hae some fellow fraternity Alumni that live in Chicago...they totally say the same things about tourists...

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