Thursday, August 7, 2008

My run-in with Stone Cold

I just walked home from work during which I told a cabbie to fuck off once again (why, oh, WHY do they insist on playing "hit the pedestrian"?), so I'm in another one of my belligerent states. With that in mind, I thought there was no better story to tell than the one where I had a little, tiny run-in with Stone Cold Steve Austin. I *may* have pushed him.

For the record, this is yet another airport story, albeit one with less vomit.

So I was at the Memphis airport with my family many years ago, traveling to God-knows-where for God-knows-what reason. At the gate, my brother and dad practically burst into a fit of hysterics when they saw none other than....


If you've never lived in Memphis, you have no idea who he is, nor should you care. He's just a shiesty looking lawyer with unintentionally hilarious TV commercials where he used to call himself "the heavy hitter." In reality, he's a little sprig of a man not completely unlike a narrow-faced Bill Gates.

So my brother and dad get faux-starstruck and start reciting those commercials in full-on mockery when my brother stops entirely and stares at someone else.

He nudges me. "Is that Stone Cold?"

"What's a Stone Cold?" I ask.

"You know. Stone Cold Steve Austin. The wrestler."

"Ohhh, bald guy. Yeah, I think so."

"Shit, it's totally him!"

Stone Cold was on the same flight as us. That's probably the closest I've every been to a "celebrity." Actually, I lie. I met Ereka Vetrini once (adorable girl from the Apprentice, hosted a talk show) and she patted my head and played with my hair for a second while calling me "little." She was wasted. But, then again, so was I. Anyway, I digress.

I wasn't paying attention, but apparently, our two celebrities board the plane before the rest of us commonfolk. And then it's our turn. Well, apparently, SC -- see what I did there? -- did not have enough time to load his shit into the overhead bin. I was the first person walking towards him. He was taking his sweet-ass time, I wanted to sit. I mean, he was holding up the whole plane. Clearly, we had an issue.

So, being small, I figure I can squeak by. I walk right past him and, inadvertently, throw 'bows. And I may or may not have given a slight... VERY slight push. I did not think much of this, but as soon as we sit down, I see my brother gaping at me.

"What?" I ask.

"Did you just push Stone Cold Steve Austin?"

I shrug. "I may have bumped him."

"No, you pushed! What's wrong with you?"

"He was in the way!"

"You're ridiculous."

That I am, little bro. But it makes for a silly little story to tell, no?


Anonymous said...

Pretty bad ass if you ask me. Which you didn't...but hey.

Andy said...

Do you think Stone Cold makes women call him Stone Cold in bed? Doesn't that get awkward?

Nice post.

Stephanie said...

It's a good think he didn't put the smack down on you. Or whatever they call it..(I don't watch wrestling..)

elle michelle said...

HP: You can call me bad ass whenever you'd like!

Andy: I think it's only awkward if they just call him "Stone," because that makes everyone think of Stone Phillips. (20/20, anyone? No?)

Stephanie: I don't think I even registered on his radar. :-)

elle michelle said...

J/K with the 20/20 thing.

...It was Dateline.

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